Q: Who is not a vampire

A: Sleazy old law professor dudes, that's who.

Although vampires, like sleazy old law professor dudes, are known to literally suck the life out of their (sometimes) vivacious young victims, vampires do so in a totally hot manner. Vampires, unlike sleazy old law professor dudes, are attractive. They attract vivacious young victims because they are dangerous and forever young, not because they are rich and will die soon.

Johnny Depp to be Barnabas Collins

In perhaps the MOST EXCITING news every broadcast anywhere which anyone who cares about this thing would have already known. The Dark Shadows: The Movie is going to be starring Johnny Depp! For example: this article is from November 5 of last year. Dark Shadows may seem like campy fun nowadays but it was terrifying and mysterious and I didn't notice all the bloopers when I was little. I just loved it. The same way I didn't think about how creepy it was that Johnny Depp was a NARK in 21 Jump Street.

Vampire Histories

So in this blog I write about vampires. For your edification. But here lorist Stefan Petrucha has penned his own ensanguined history , on the lovely Michele Hauf's Vamp Chix

He describes the evolution from soulless frightening seductive monster to trapped besouled Barnabas Collins to brooding Angel and mind-numbinglly doltish Cullens.

Though variations appear in ancient Rome, China, and (dubiously), Native American mythos, the undead we know and love began in the Balkans (yep, Transylvania) as a plague metaphor, enjoying spates of popularity in Europe and colonial New England. Short version – someone dies from disease, returns by night, and infects the rest of their family until staked, decapitated, or both. They were dead, they wanted to kill you, they had to be destroyed — the ethical equivalent of Uncle-as-zombie, sans flesh-eating.

Rest in Peace Poly Styrene!

Vampire News Roundup

• Underneath those fangs evil vampire Damon Salvatore has a heart of gold! He likes things like those special lightbulbs and a vague amorphous animal rights. via Vampire News


• The final IDW Angel is coming out tomorrow! Get it here! Talk about it here! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT! For the record I prefer both Angel and Spike. I will mend your hearts!!!


• But wait there's more! Pam, most hilarious and evil of all of the gay Trueblood vampires is also an animal lover! She wants to stop animal testing on chimpanzees and release them from federal custody. I'm sure she feels the same way about imprisoned animal rights activists!


• Taking a picture of someone steals their soul. A picture is worth a thousand words. Therefore over time if you read enough about vampires, your soul will be gone and you will become a VAMPIRE.

Ayn rand is a VAMPIRE OF THE WORKING CLASS

Would that Alan Greenspan have discovered Dan Brown instead! That life could have been spent on a fantastical treasure hunt across oceans and time to find the truth of a female 'Paul' (or 'Peter' or whatever...), or Stephanie Meyer where he might have envisioned a world where the girls were suitably fragile and the evil was actually dashing, and the only black vampire's a bad vampire. Oh wait that's basically what happened.

The Awl is Jon Galt! You outshine the pack!

Ahem if Ii may:

I've read pulp fiction. Ayn Rand writes bad pulp fiction.

I've read romance novels. You might not want to believe me but there are good romance novels. Ayn rand writes bad romance novels.

I've read political treatises. Ayn Rand claims to write poltiical treatises. Ayn Rand actually writes romance novels. Snicker at whomever you see fit.

one night in

nightmares-> double checking window locks -> sleeplessness

the slow reveal is torture louis. torture.

that's vampires for you. they just have more time than everyone else.

Bring us that old southern glamour.

Escaped enslaved people make good targets for sociopaths: the prostitutes of yesteryear. Maybe it's a metaphor and not a tacky racist troupe! The book is supposed to be frightening, but maybe not so much in an embarrassed to be reading for fear of a nosy subway neighbor catching me with the description of new orleans as a melting pot-polyglot-cultural gumbo (ok so they didn't say that part).

If I was a vampire I would definitely have a party pad in New Orleans.

Inaugural Post

Look - its a dark background because Vampires are creatures of the NIGHT! Blood is like red wine. Red wine is like Blood. La didi da da da