I haven't watched RAW yet, so please please don't tell me what happened... REALLY rooting for AJ and Cena, even though I made the mistake of reading this yesterday. I'm hoping he just went to Nikki Bella's high school reunion to be nice.
Which wrestler would YOU like to bring to YOUR high school reunion? Leave a comment after the jump!
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Vampires and Christmas Music
Do vampires like Christmas music?
Oh, of course, the body the blood, the eating of the christ - it all stems from the death and rebirth of the winter solstice. There is no Easter without Christmas, and no Christmas without Easter. Catholics explicitly drink the actual blood of their god every Sunday at mass, and so I suppose one could imagine that vampires, bone-headed literalists, craving some semblance of normalcy, of their lost humanity might 'enjoy Christmas' as they enjoy the Christian mysticism.
But are vampires that simple-minded? Do they enjoy in humanity what bears resemblance to them?
No, of course not!
Vampires are complex and like the rest of us, enjoy the seasons! Unlike us though vampires enjoy winter: they do not feel the cold, AND they can go outside or 'be awake' for more hours of each day. Think about it: winter is vampire summer.
We, the humans, might suppress a smile at:
VAMPIRES LOVE CHRISTMAS music and they highly recommend The Christmas Classics station on Pandora.
Oh, of course, the body the blood, the eating of the christ - it all stems from the death and rebirth of the winter solstice. There is no Easter without Christmas, and no Christmas without Easter. Catholics explicitly drink the actual blood of their god every Sunday at mass, and so I suppose one could imagine that vampires, bone-headed literalists, craving some semblance of normalcy, of their lost humanity might 'enjoy Christmas' as they enjoy the Christian mysticism.
But are vampires that simple-minded? Do they enjoy in humanity what bears resemblance to them?
No, of course not!
Vampires are complex and like the rest of us, enjoy the seasons! Unlike us though vampires enjoy winter: they do not feel the cold, AND they can go outside or 'be awake' for more hours of each day. Think about it: winter is vampire summer.
We, the humans, might suppress a smile at:
Here it is the groove slightly transformed, a VAMPIRE will feel the same way about the Prague philharmonic's rendition of 'Silent Night', it will remind him of driving around drinking beer (obviously only in the 70s), and going to the beach! He can do that during winter, just like you can do that during summer.
Just a bit of a break from the norm
Just a little somethin' to break the monotony
Of all that hardcore dance that has gotten to be
A little bit out of control it's cool to dance
But what about the groove that soothes that moves romance
Give me a soft subtle mix
And if ain't broke then don't try to fix it
And think of the summers of the past
Adjust the base and let the alpine blast
Pop in my cd and let me run a rhyme
And put your car on cruise and lay back cause this is summertime
VAMPIRES LOVE CHRISTMAS music and they highly recommend The Christmas Classics station on Pandora.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Too Much Too Soon: Is Ajcena Doomed from the Start?
I'm worried about AJ and John Cena's relationship being so public so early on. I'm actually hoping that they were having a relationship this whole time -- otherwise, the public scrutiny might destroy them. She looks so happy, and he so valiantly fought for her on Monday Night Raw. He looked a little bit less than thrilled when kissing her this time, but maybe he was just out of breath and in pain from re-injuring his torn miniscus? They were really cute leaving the arena, I just hope they find true love.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Monday, April 16, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
musings
You know how sometimes you just get that creative urge. When you are so consumed with jealousy and regret for your lost fame and lost opportunities? Its an amtrak and you've been drinking 7.50 bottles of beer. alone. but at least your years not living up to your potential have given you street smarts. you have the seat by yourself my friend. you've fucking arrived.
its those times when you wish you hadn't deleted your first blog in a fit of fear that the right wing would find you out at your supreme court nomination process. in your more lucid states you're too proud to imagine your own radical fantasies match up to Clarence Thomas's long dong silver pubic hairs.
Anyway my coworker today asked me if i was a female vanilla ice, which like ok whatever, but like ouch its a fucking brutally pathetic diss. i mean is this my oeuvre?
its those times when you wish you hadn't deleted your first blog in a fit of fear that the right wing would find you out at your supreme court nomination process. in your more lucid states you're too proud to imagine your own radical fantasies match up to Clarence Thomas's long dong silver pubic hairs.
Anyway my coworker today asked me if i was a female vanilla ice, which like ok whatever, but like ouch its a fucking brutally pathetic diss. i mean is this my oeuvre?
Friday, December 16, 2011
i hate my roommates
my roommates are loud
my roommates leave meat in the pots and pans
my roommates leave water in my cast iron pan
my roommates close the bathroom door when they are not in it
as a result, my roommates sometimes walk in on me in the bathroom
my roommates sigh when they realize I am in the bathroom
my roommates have a VOIP phone that rings every morning at 4:45
my roommates have bad politics,
my roommates think they know everything
As a result, my roommates are condescending
my roommates never stop talking
my roommates never stop arguing about things they know nothing about
my roommates said something bad about occupy oakland
my roommates ate my trail mix
my roommates are gone for christmas.
may their plane crash.
my roommates leave meat in the pots and pans
my roommates leave water in my cast iron pan
my roommates close the bathroom door when they are not in it
as a result, my roommates sometimes walk in on me in the bathroom
my roommates sigh when they realize I am in the bathroom
my roommates have a VOIP phone that rings every morning at 4:45
my roommates have bad politics,
my roommates think they know everything
As a result, my roommates are condescending
my roommates never stop talking
my roommates never stop arguing about things they know nothing about
my roommates said something bad about occupy oakland
my roommates ate my trail mix
my roommates are gone for christmas.
may their plane crash.
THIS IS FOR SASHA!!!
today! i might be laid off. i might go on a US tour. I might have a job. WHO KNOWS! Occupy everything and I hate student loans and oh fucking Bradley Manning is having his hearing and everyone's arrested and the reall thing that the occupy movmeent is showing is that we already live in fascism and check out occupyboston radio and the thing about kim and kris is that i just find kris humpfries incredibly attractive and i'm ashamed of that but it's the truth and well there's been a lot! MERRY CHRISTMAS if you want! thanks robb rohmerhouser! many many other things. really i'll post them all here until I UPDATE YOU THE READERS with some information about where I'm going next i'm never going to start like 10 1-off blogs with special topics because they don't work for me. like its good all those boner plays weren't their own blog because the blog wouldn't have survived, would it? It would have just been another 1-off blog like this other dumb blog i made making fun of republican emails that they all send me.
OK so now that you are caught up stay tuned for another post about how much i hate my roommates!
Love
The staff at Trending Vampire!
<3 <3
OK so now that you are caught up stay tuned for another post about how much i hate my roommates!
Love
The staff at Trending Vampire!
<3 <3
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
The 53%
Little known fact: I could have been rich.
Have you seen this most amazing internet spoof? It's so hilarious - Thank the man who deprives you of rain by sacrificing your first son in the hopes that HE will provide rain!
This is so amazing! It is an uniquely American (puritan) tragedy that we can be bragging about how much shit we can take, in order to align ourselves with those flogging us, and distance ourselves from those unwillingly also take shit.
The people who aren't spoofs are PATHETIC! My god! I have never seen such servile groveling at the hands of those who don't even both to fathom your pathetic existences! RICH PEOPLE HATE YOU, YOU FUCKING FOOLS!
YOU PEOPLE ARE POOR! YOU HAVE NOTHING. YOU DON'T GO ON VACATION! YOU DON'T HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE! YOU ARE ADMITTEDLY TOO POOR TO HAVE CHILDREN!! YOU ARE A SINGLE MOM WORKING 3 JOBS AND GOING TO SCHOOL!!! YOU ARE NOWHERE NEAR THE 53%!!! You are probably in the lowest 15%
AHHH you think by pinching pennies your daughter will be in the 1%! What did you fail 1st grade math?? YOU AND YOUR FAMILY WILL NEVER BE IN THE 1%!!
OK sorry for the all caps. Since these people are actors and their 'tumblr' is a carefully scripting cock brothers right-wing fantasy blog I don't feel angry at the individual actors in the blog, I just like did this whole ranty thing for some reason with the all-caps and now I'm going to step away. Please don't click the link in the beginning unless you too want to be filled with anger towards these actors for a minute before you realized that they are just 99%ers who needed some spare cash in this lame economy!
<3
TV
Have you seen this most amazing internet spoof? It's so hilarious - Thank the man who deprives you of rain by sacrificing your first son in the hopes that HE will provide rain!
I work 900 hours per week at six jobs, and I am also unemployed and have no insurance, but I don't blame SOCIETY! I BLAME MYSELF. Because I am lazy and a loser and oh god, I would kill myself but I love my 6 bosses so much that I don't want to disappoint them. Please please let me be good enough!
This is so amazing! It is an uniquely American (puritan) tragedy that we can be bragging about how much shit we can take, in order to align ourselves with those flogging us, and distance ourselves from those unwillingly also take shit.
The people who aren't spoofs are PATHETIC! My god! I have never seen such servile groveling at the hands of those who don't even both to fathom your pathetic existences! RICH PEOPLE HATE YOU, YOU FUCKING FOOLS!
YOU PEOPLE ARE POOR! YOU HAVE NOTHING. YOU DON'T GO ON VACATION! YOU DON'T HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE! YOU ARE ADMITTEDLY TOO POOR TO HAVE CHILDREN!! YOU ARE A SINGLE MOM WORKING 3 JOBS AND GOING TO SCHOOL!!! YOU ARE NOWHERE NEAR THE 53%!!! You are probably in the lowest 15%
AHHH you think by pinching pennies your daughter will be in the 1%! What did you fail 1st grade math?? YOU AND YOUR FAMILY WILL NEVER BE IN THE 1%!!
OK sorry for the all caps. Since these people are actors and their 'tumblr' is a carefully scripting cock brothers right-wing fantasy blog I don't feel angry at the individual actors in the blog, I just like did this whole ranty thing for some reason with the all-caps and now I'm going to step away. Please don't click the link in the beginning unless you too want to be filled with anger towards these actors for a minute before you realized that they are just 99%ers who needed some spare cash in this lame economy!
<3
TV
Guest Post: a 21st-century vampire
I posit a 21st-century vampire, an internet vampire.
He-- or she-- resides in a tiny coffin-like cocoon, surrounded by his own soil. Like Stoker's original Dracula, he can endure daylight but is weakened by it. He finds it disagreeable. He goes out only at night, and only when driven by hunger-- by appetites-- by an unignorable biological craving for other humans.
He shuns the sun. How pasty he's become! To quote Stoker's novel, "extraordinary pallor."
Count Orlok, the vampire of the German Nosferatu films, was preceded and attended by a flood of rats, plague-bearing rats who were OF the vampire but not, like, physically the vampire. Orlok could also move as a shadow or as fog. Thus, from within his lair, this 21st-century vampire, via the internet, is present in others' lives in a spooky, infiltrating way without being actually tangible. His tapping fingers send forth biting rat-words; he slips through social-media privacy-cracks into others' lives like a clammy mist, observing but unobserved.
Like the vampires of old, this 21st-century equivalent is a parasite, a leech, in the sense that he lacks his own energy and can produce nothing-- he can only consume. He lives to drain the vitality from those who are "alive" and active, perhaps via commenting negatively on their actions and their cultural creations. He is full of hatred for those from whom he draws his own vitality-- hatred entwined with need.
His life force is entirely drawn from others. He has no "self" as such but must suck others' selfhood, acquiring second-hand scraps of self, drinking strength from those more vital. He has a bad smell. He hides ghoulishly in a sinister cave, lit by a computer screen and LEDs instead of candles. Again quoting Stoker, he is someone "without a single speck of colour about him anywhere."
This 21st-century vampire doesn't show up in mirrors. He is not self-reflective, beyond a vague anger-provoking sense that something is wrong with him, that he is sick. He may mourn his sickness or perversely glory in it, but he's unable to really see himself; he's cut off from self-perception. He also cannot "see himself" in others: his alienation makes him incapable of empathy. Lonely and twisted, he is not the controlling and seductive aristocratic Dracula of Stoker's book but the wasted-looking and repulsive Count Orlok of Murnau & Herzog's films.
In the German Nosferatu movies, Orlok is defeated by being distracted by a beautiful woman all through the night. How many squandered nights has our 21st-century vampire suffered the same fate, helplessly hypnotized by images of beautiful young things 'til the break of dawn? What a sad and disgusting creature.
He is bound by complex and ancient rules, he holds himself apart from the masses and yet is less than any one of them, for he is not superhuman: he is subhuman, below human, a dangerous incomplete being... and a plague vector.
Burn him to ash! Slice him, puncture him. Stick a stake through him, a tent-peg pinning him down in the filth where he belongs, ensuring this monster can no longer rise from his grave to upset and attack those in the land of the living. If you cannot destroy him, at least ward him off. He is a 21st-century vampire, a creature of horror whose stale unlife is worse than death: better you die than become him.
He-- or she-- resides in a tiny coffin-like cocoon, surrounded by his own soil. Like Stoker's original Dracula, he can endure daylight but is weakened by it. He finds it disagreeable. He goes out only at night, and only when driven by hunger-- by appetites-- by an unignorable biological craving for other humans.
He shuns the sun. How pasty he's become! To quote Stoker's novel, "extraordinary pallor."
Count Orlok, the vampire of the German Nosferatu films, was preceded and attended by a flood of rats, plague-bearing rats who were OF the vampire but not, like, physically the vampire. Orlok could also move as a shadow or as fog. Thus, from within his lair, this 21st-century vampire, via the internet, is present in others' lives in a spooky, infiltrating way without being actually tangible. His tapping fingers send forth biting rat-words; he slips through social-media privacy-cracks into others' lives like a clammy mist, observing but unobserved.
Like the vampires of old, this 21st-century equivalent is a parasite, a leech, in the sense that he lacks his own energy and can produce nothing-- he can only consume. He lives to drain the vitality from those who are "alive" and active, perhaps via commenting negatively on their actions and their cultural creations. He is full of hatred for those from whom he draws his own vitality-- hatred entwined with need.
His life force is entirely drawn from others. He has no "self" as such but must suck others' selfhood, acquiring second-hand scraps of self, drinking strength from those more vital. He has a bad smell. He hides ghoulishly in a sinister cave, lit by a computer screen and LEDs instead of candles. Again quoting Stoker, he is someone "without a single speck of colour about him anywhere."
This 21st-century vampire doesn't show up in mirrors. He is not self-reflective, beyond a vague anger-provoking sense that something is wrong with him, that he is sick. He may mourn his sickness or perversely glory in it, but he's unable to really see himself; he's cut off from self-perception. He also cannot "see himself" in others: his alienation makes him incapable of empathy. Lonely and twisted, he is not the controlling and seductive aristocratic Dracula of Stoker's book but the wasted-looking and repulsive Count Orlok of Murnau & Herzog's films.
In the German Nosferatu movies, Orlok is defeated by being distracted by a beautiful woman all through the night. How many squandered nights has our 21st-century vampire suffered the same fate, helplessly hypnotized by images of beautiful young things 'til the break of dawn? What a sad and disgusting creature.
He is bound by complex and ancient rules, he holds himself apart from the masses and yet is less than any one of them, for he is not superhuman: he is subhuman, below human, a dangerous incomplete being... and a plague vector.
Burn him to ash! Slice him, puncture him. Stick a stake through him, a tent-peg pinning him down in the filth where he belongs, ensuring this monster can no longer rise from his grave to upset and attack those in the land of the living. If you cannot destroy him, at least ward him off. He is a 21st-century vampire, a creature of horror whose stale unlife is worse than death: better you die than become him.
Occupy Everything
go occupy everything all of the time. give all your money to the occupation. eat all your meals there. sleep there. laugh there. enjoy the cigarettes brought to you by occupy asheville. seriously do that. never fall into the trap of issuing demands. we want troy davis back from the dead. not a zombie. we want to tear this world apart and let the shiny perfect one underneath shine through. i want to ride in the grasslands on the back of a lion and swim as a mermaid. hang onto all your dreams and imagine the impossible!
Love,
Trending Vampire
Love,
Trending Vampire
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
On Strangers
Dear Adoring Public:
Yes, we too find it confusing that not only are we at this advanced age and unmarried, but we are at this advanced age and totally unproposed to. We do not understand it as we too think we are a pretty and kindly somewhat-person. Unfortunately there is nothing we can do about this. Drunken, unsolicited lectures about how we need to love ourselves before anyone else can love us are not only the thing of the first 25 minutes of romantic comedies, they are really very unhelpful. Yes we would like children, yes our time is running out. Yes we are keenly aware of it. We do not, however, have any control over when or if, these events may occur. We appreciate your horror on our behalf, but ultimately our having to justify our existence to you is both unhelpful towards what appears to be your ultimate goal (ie. getting us married and in a suburban home) and frankly it is hurtful and rude!
Yes, we too find it confusing that not only are we at this advanced age and unmarried, but we are at this advanced age and totally unproposed to. We do not understand it as we too think we are a pretty and kindly somewhat-person. Unfortunately there is nothing we can do about this. Drunken, unsolicited lectures about how we need to love ourselves before anyone else can love us are not only the thing of the first 25 minutes of romantic comedies, they are really very unhelpful. Yes we would like children, yes our time is running out. Yes we are keenly aware of it. We do not, however, have any control over when or if, these events may occur. We appreciate your horror on our behalf, but ultimately our having to justify our existence to you is both unhelpful towards what appears to be your ultimate goal (ie. getting us married and in a suburban home) and frankly it is hurtful and rude!
Monday, August 15, 2011
It's easier to spot when you are unfamiliar with the trappings
It is interesting when every once in a while someone says something that pierces the spectacle of the contemporary media. In real time, every person of color interviewed about the riots in England by the BBC was asked a first question: why are they rioting? After an explanation about racism and classism and disenfranchisement that person of color was asked a follow up question: so you condone the rioting? The person of color was left confused as they had said nothing that would indicate an opinion on the riot one way or another.
White commenters were then given the stage: the rioters are nothing but criminals and hooligans! This is blatant criminality!!
Leaving the commentors of color confused, were they then in a debate about whether breaking store windows was criminal? Or were they to debate why this was happening?
So finally it all came to a head when race scholar Darcus Howe was asked to explain the riots:
He is an educated man, and he has thought about racism. His interviewer is a privileged ignorant woman who tries to mask her discomfort by attacking Mr. Howe.
White commenters were then given the stage: the rioters are nothing but criminals and hooligans! This is blatant criminality!!
Leaving the commentors of color confused, were they then in a debate about whether breaking store windows was criminal? Or were they to debate why this was happening?
So finally it all came to a head when race scholar Darcus Howe was asked to explain the riots:
He is an educated man, and he has thought about racism. His interviewer is a privileged ignorant woman who tries to mask her discomfort by attacking Mr. Howe.
there is hope for a better tomorrow.
we hate wading through piles of emails as much as the rest of you. we like vacation better than work. we want to live in an ergonomic world with sepia tones and curved edges. we carry a new world in our hearts.
Friday, July 29, 2011
It's always good to watch your friends grow up
Commodities used to actually be virtual commodities. Nobody actually owned the pigs, or cared where they were located. Commodities, which in actuality are the most tangible of financial instruments ("Hey we're trading something that actually exists!"), were actually virtually named instruments representing those commodities. In other words, 'coffee' wasn't actual coffee that you could turn into a delicious beverage, but was a bet about what coffee would cost at some specified future date. Commodities trading was futures trading and shorting with hilarious names. Does that make sense dear readers? I'm happy to explain more if you'd like! Please request in the comments and I'll make an entire post about complex financial instruments. Or, knowing how this blog works I'll make a series of posts about complex financial instruments.
It seems though that our old friend, Goldman Sachs has turned this model on its head. With the price of land, and machine-gun clad 'security' at an all time low, it seems its more profitable to buy commodities outright rather than trade them. Why bother with the ins and outs of future pricing and speculation when you can just buy one quarter of the world's aluminum and store it in a series of warehouses outside Detroit? Why bother with the middle man? Why bother with the markets? Why bother with the financial instruments you invented? Just debeers style that shit!
It seems though that our old friend, Goldman Sachs has turned this model on its head. With the price of land, and machine-gun clad 'security' at an all time low, it seems its more profitable to buy commodities outright rather than trade them. Why bother with the ins and outs of future pricing and speculation when you can just buy one quarter of the world's aluminum and store it in a series of warehouses outside Detroit? Why bother with the middle man? Why bother with the markets? Why bother with the financial instruments you invented? Just debeers style that shit!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
just for you dear readers
There will be no default. Please do not worry. You should focus your attention on other matters. We will continue our expose of the inner workings of your leaders.
Do not short the economy if you are playing the stock market, long it or medium it or whatever the inverse of short... The rich will get richer.
You are silly for playing into this nonsense and giving these morons any of your time. Enjoy your summer. (or for our southern hemisphere readers, your winter)
Do not short the economy if you are playing the stock market, long it or medium it or whatever the inverse of short... The rich will get richer.
You are silly for playing into this nonsense and giving these morons any of your time. Enjoy your summer. (or for our southern hemisphere readers, your winter)
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