It's always good to watch your friends grow up

Commodities used to actually be virtual commodities. Nobody actually owned the pigs, or cared where they were located. Commodities, which in actuality are the most tangible of financial instruments ("Hey we're trading something that actually exists!"), were actually virtually named instruments representing those commodities. In other words, 'coffee' wasn't actual coffee that you could turn into a delicious beverage, but was a bet about what coffee would cost at some specified future date. Commodities trading was futures trading and shorting with hilarious names. Does that make sense dear readers? I'm happy to explain more if you'd like! Please request in the comments and I'll make an entire post about complex financial instruments. Or, knowing how this blog works I'll make a series of posts about complex financial instruments.


It seems though that our old friend, Goldman Sachs has turned this model on its head. With the price of land, and machine-gun clad 'security' at an all time low, it seems its more profitable to buy commodities outright rather than trade them. Why bother with the ins and outs of future pricing and speculation when you can just buy one quarter of the world's aluminum and store it in a series of warehouses outside Detroit? Why bother with the middle man? Why bother with the markets? Why bother with the financial instruments you invented? Just debeers style that shit!

just for you dear readers

There will be no default. Please do not worry. You should focus your attention on other matters. We will continue our expose of the inner workings of your leaders.

Do not short the economy if you are playing the stock market, long it or medium it or whatever the inverse of short... The rich will get richer.

You are silly for playing into this nonsense and giving these morons any of your time. Enjoy your summer. (or for our southern hemisphere readers, your winter)

late night washington dc

John Boner is speaker of the house. Everyone thinks he's a consummate douchebag but seriously he's just a misunderstood white guy. Like the rest of them. Anyway - he's usually joined in his office by his assistant, but this time its just him. and his cell phone. John Boner has been promised too much and too little has been delivered. Someone told us recently about a bell hooks book to this effect, but the mere thought of that just reminded us of susan faludi too much and we became angry... we digress...

Barack Obama is the president of the United States. He's taller than John Boner.

JB (into the phone): Hi
BO: John, that you?
JB: Yeah its me.
BO: Great to hear from you John! How can I help?
JB: I guess, you know after all we've been through I just felt kind of bad about last night...
John Boner coughs
BO: Last night? Oh the press conference.
JB: Yeah, I mean I felt like, you know, like I'd maybe come on too strong and like you know, you wouldn't, I don't know...
BO: John, I'm here for you, i"m listening. Just hang on...
Long pause
BO: Where were we John? Sorry I got distracted!
JB: It's just that this whole thing is eating me up inside. I just - I don't know how to go through with or how to not go through with it. I'm just - I'm torn up about everything - I just want things to be ok, like they were.
BO: What is it that's troubling you John? I mean hang on...
John Boner walks around the office, dismayed that maybe Barak Obama doesn't take their relationship as seriously as he thought... He pours another drink
BO: Hi John Sorry - they were calling from Greece - so hard to keep everything in check. But listen, we should talk sometime! Do you want to call my secretary and set up a time? I'll give her some dates in a few weeks when maybe you and I can chat, you know - mano y mano.
BO: Ok John! Great to hear from you! Have a great night!
John Boner sits at his desk. The world spins. It might be the ventilation. We aren't sure.

rain rain go away thats what all my haters say

*

we can't write anything today.
we don't have it in us.

we have a 15000 page manifesto to read

Dear Readers

A little poem to brighten your monday:

Don't stop Believing
Hold on to the feeling
Streetlights people

Yes! We think we will add a 'boner' section to our google news page!

John Boner (JB) in his office, he's depressed. He can't believe the mess he's in. He doesn't know where he belongs or who his allies are. He's sitting in his executive chair, behind his desk. He's released the nob on the right hand side so he can really lean back and stare at the ceiling. He's doing this now. Across from his desk sits his Assistant (JBA). His assistant is wearing a pair of stylish black pants that just might be too short, or maybe we don't get it. Anyway he's in his late 20s . He's handsome. He's very thin.

JBA: Is reading something on his iphone.
JBA: Ugh
JB: What tell me. What happened? I need to know... No wait. Don't tell me.

JB lights a cigarette.

JB: Now tell me.
JBA: They want you to call a press conference about that bill.
JB: God.
JBA: They want you to say that its a compromise?
JB: What? How?
JBA: They want you to say that 'they' get the increase, while 'the american people' get a constitutional amendment to prevent taxes from ever being raised again.

Both men stare into the distance, across from each other but as though they are alone in the room. JB forgets he has a cigarette lit, and lights another one.

Dear People of the WORLD

Next time I predict something, why not just listen?

Sincerely,

TrendingVampire(TM)