dear world:
this city i live in, it's not me. i just stole my roommates' vodka. why do i have roommates? i'm supposed to be XYZ.
lve,
tv
Monday, April 16, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
musings
You know how sometimes you just get that creative urge. When you are so consumed with jealousy and regret for your lost fame and lost opportunities? Its an amtrak and you've been drinking 7.50 bottles of beer. alone. but at least your years not living up to your potential have given you street smarts. you have the seat by yourself my friend. you've fucking arrived.
its those times when you wish you hadn't deleted your first blog in a fit of fear that the right wing would find you out at your supreme court nomination process. in your more lucid states you're too proud to imagine your own radical fantasies match up to Clarence Thomas's long dong silver pubic hairs.
Anyway my coworker today asked me if i was a female vanilla ice, which like ok whatever, but like ouch its a fucking brutally pathetic diss. i mean is this my oeuvre?
its those times when you wish you hadn't deleted your first blog in a fit of fear that the right wing would find you out at your supreme court nomination process. in your more lucid states you're too proud to imagine your own radical fantasies match up to Clarence Thomas's long dong silver pubic hairs.
Anyway my coworker today asked me if i was a female vanilla ice, which like ok whatever, but like ouch its a fucking brutally pathetic diss. i mean is this my oeuvre?
Friday, December 16, 2011
i hate my roommates
my roommates are loud
my roommates leave meat in the pots and pans
my roommates leave water in my cast iron pan
my roommates close the bathroom door when they are not in it
as a result, my roommates sometimes walk in on me in the bathroom
my roommates sigh when they realize I am in the bathroom
my roommates have a VOIP phone that rings every morning at 4:45
my roommates have bad politics,
my roommates think they know everything
As a result, my roommates are condescending
my roommates never stop talking
my roommates never stop arguing about things they know nothing about
my roommates said something bad about occupy oakland
my roommates ate my trail mix
my roommates are gone for christmas.
may their plane crash.
my roommates leave meat in the pots and pans
my roommates leave water in my cast iron pan
my roommates close the bathroom door when they are not in it
as a result, my roommates sometimes walk in on me in the bathroom
my roommates sigh when they realize I am in the bathroom
my roommates have a VOIP phone that rings every morning at 4:45
my roommates have bad politics,
my roommates think they know everything
As a result, my roommates are condescending
my roommates never stop talking
my roommates never stop arguing about things they know nothing about
my roommates said something bad about occupy oakland
my roommates ate my trail mix
my roommates are gone for christmas.
may their plane crash.
THIS IS FOR SASHA!!!
today! i might be laid off. i might go on a US tour. I might have a job. WHO KNOWS! Occupy everything and I hate student loans and oh fucking Bradley Manning is having his hearing and everyone's arrested and the reall thing that the occupy movmeent is showing is that we already live in fascism and check out occupyboston radio and the thing about kim and kris is that i just find kris humpfries incredibly attractive and i'm ashamed of that but it's the truth and well there's been a lot! MERRY CHRISTMAS if you want! thanks robb rohmerhouser! many many other things. really i'll post them all here until I UPDATE YOU THE READERS with some information about where I'm going next i'm never going to start like 10 1-off blogs with special topics because they don't work for me. like its good all those boner plays weren't their own blog because the blog wouldn't have survived, would it? It would have just been another 1-off blog like this other dumb blog i made making fun of republican emails that they all send me.
OK so now that you are caught up stay tuned for another post about how much i hate my roommates!
Love
The staff at Trending Vampire!
<3 <3
OK so now that you are caught up stay tuned for another post about how much i hate my roommates!
Love
The staff at Trending Vampire!
<3 <3
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
The 53%
Little known fact: I could have been rich.
Have you seen this most amazing internet spoof? It's so hilarious - Thank the man who deprives you of rain by sacrificing your first son in the hopes that HE will provide rain!
This is so amazing! It is an uniquely American (puritan) tragedy that we can be bragging about how much shit we can take, in order to align ourselves with those flogging us, and distance ourselves from those unwillingly also take shit.
The people who aren't spoofs are PATHETIC! My god! I have never seen such servile groveling at the hands of those who don't even both to fathom your pathetic existences! RICH PEOPLE HATE YOU, YOU FUCKING FOOLS!
YOU PEOPLE ARE POOR! YOU HAVE NOTHING. YOU DON'T GO ON VACATION! YOU DON'T HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE! YOU ARE ADMITTEDLY TOO POOR TO HAVE CHILDREN!! YOU ARE A SINGLE MOM WORKING 3 JOBS AND GOING TO SCHOOL!!! YOU ARE NOWHERE NEAR THE 53%!!! You are probably in the lowest 15%
AHHH you think by pinching pennies your daughter will be in the 1%! What did you fail 1st grade math?? YOU AND YOUR FAMILY WILL NEVER BE IN THE 1%!!
OK sorry for the all caps. Since these people are actors and their 'tumblr' is a carefully scripting cock brothers right-wing fantasy blog I don't feel angry at the individual actors in the blog, I just like did this whole ranty thing for some reason with the all-caps and now I'm going to step away. Please don't click the link in the beginning unless you too want to be filled with anger towards these actors for a minute before you realized that they are just 99%ers who needed some spare cash in this lame economy!
<3
TV
Have you seen this most amazing internet spoof? It's so hilarious - Thank the man who deprives you of rain by sacrificing your first son in the hopes that HE will provide rain!
I work 900 hours per week at six jobs, and I am also unemployed and have no insurance, but I don't blame SOCIETY! I BLAME MYSELF. Because I am lazy and a loser and oh god, I would kill myself but I love my 6 bosses so much that I don't want to disappoint them. Please please let me be good enough!
This is so amazing! It is an uniquely American (puritan) tragedy that we can be bragging about how much shit we can take, in order to align ourselves with those flogging us, and distance ourselves from those unwillingly also take shit.
The people who aren't spoofs are PATHETIC! My god! I have never seen such servile groveling at the hands of those who don't even both to fathom your pathetic existences! RICH PEOPLE HATE YOU, YOU FUCKING FOOLS!
YOU PEOPLE ARE POOR! YOU HAVE NOTHING. YOU DON'T GO ON VACATION! YOU DON'T HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE! YOU ARE ADMITTEDLY TOO POOR TO HAVE CHILDREN!! YOU ARE A SINGLE MOM WORKING 3 JOBS AND GOING TO SCHOOL!!! YOU ARE NOWHERE NEAR THE 53%!!! You are probably in the lowest 15%
AHHH you think by pinching pennies your daughter will be in the 1%! What did you fail 1st grade math?? YOU AND YOUR FAMILY WILL NEVER BE IN THE 1%!!
OK sorry for the all caps. Since these people are actors and their 'tumblr' is a carefully scripting cock brothers right-wing fantasy blog I don't feel angry at the individual actors in the blog, I just like did this whole ranty thing for some reason with the all-caps and now I'm going to step away. Please don't click the link in the beginning unless you too want to be filled with anger towards these actors for a minute before you realized that they are just 99%ers who needed some spare cash in this lame economy!
<3
TV
Guest Post: a 21st-century vampire
I posit a 21st-century vampire, an internet vampire.
He-- or she-- resides in a tiny coffin-like cocoon, surrounded by his own soil. Like Stoker's original Dracula, he can endure daylight but is weakened by it. He finds it disagreeable. He goes out only at night, and only when driven by hunger-- by appetites-- by an unignorable biological craving for other humans.
He shuns the sun. How pasty he's become! To quote Stoker's novel, "extraordinary pallor."
Count Orlok, the vampire of the German Nosferatu films, was preceded and attended by a flood of rats, plague-bearing rats who were OF the vampire but not, like, physically the vampire. Orlok could also move as a shadow or as fog. Thus, from within his lair, this 21st-century vampire, via the internet, is present in others' lives in a spooky, infiltrating way without being actually tangible. His tapping fingers send forth biting rat-words; he slips through social-media privacy-cracks into others' lives like a clammy mist, observing but unobserved.
Like the vampires of old, this 21st-century equivalent is a parasite, a leech, in the sense that he lacks his own energy and can produce nothing-- he can only consume. He lives to drain the vitality from those who are "alive" and active, perhaps via commenting negatively on their actions and their cultural creations. He is full of hatred for those from whom he draws his own vitality-- hatred entwined with need.
His life force is entirely drawn from others. He has no "self" as such but must suck others' selfhood, acquiring second-hand scraps of self, drinking strength from those more vital. He has a bad smell. He hides ghoulishly in a sinister cave, lit by a computer screen and LEDs instead of candles. Again quoting Stoker, he is someone "without a single speck of colour about him anywhere."
This 21st-century vampire doesn't show up in mirrors. He is not self-reflective, beyond a vague anger-provoking sense that something is wrong with him, that he is sick. He may mourn his sickness or perversely glory in it, but he's unable to really see himself; he's cut off from self-perception. He also cannot "see himself" in others: his alienation makes him incapable of empathy. Lonely and twisted, he is not the controlling and seductive aristocratic Dracula of Stoker's book but the wasted-looking and repulsive Count Orlok of Murnau & Herzog's films.
In the German Nosferatu movies, Orlok is defeated by being distracted by a beautiful woman all through the night. How many squandered nights has our 21st-century vampire suffered the same fate, helplessly hypnotized by images of beautiful young things 'til the break of dawn? What a sad and disgusting creature.
He is bound by complex and ancient rules, he holds himself apart from the masses and yet is less than any one of them, for he is not superhuman: he is subhuman, below human, a dangerous incomplete being... and a plague vector.
Burn him to ash! Slice him, puncture him. Stick a stake through him, a tent-peg pinning him down in the filth where he belongs, ensuring this monster can no longer rise from his grave to upset and attack those in the land of the living. If you cannot destroy him, at least ward him off. He is a 21st-century vampire, a creature of horror whose stale unlife is worse than death: better you die than become him.
He-- or she-- resides in a tiny coffin-like cocoon, surrounded by his own soil. Like Stoker's original Dracula, he can endure daylight but is weakened by it. He finds it disagreeable. He goes out only at night, and only when driven by hunger-- by appetites-- by an unignorable biological craving for other humans.
He shuns the sun. How pasty he's become! To quote Stoker's novel, "extraordinary pallor."
Count Orlok, the vampire of the German Nosferatu films, was preceded and attended by a flood of rats, plague-bearing rats who were OF the vampire but not, like, physically the vampire. Orlok could also move as a shadow or as fog. Thus, from within his lair, this 21st-century vampire, via the internet, is present in others' lives in a spooky, infiltrating way without being actually tangible. His tapping fingers send forth biting rat-words; he slips through social-media privacy-cracks into others' lives like a clammy mist, observing but unobserved.
Like the vampires of old, this 21st-century equivalent is a parasite, a leech, in the sense that he lacks his own energy and can produce nothing-- he can only consume. He lives to drain the vitality from those who are "alive" and active, perhaps via commenting negatively on their actions and their cultural creations. He is full of hatred for those from whom he draws his own vitality-- hatred entwined with need.
His life force is entirely drawn from others. He has no "self" as such but must suck others' selfhood, acquiring second-hand scraps of self, drinking strength from those more vital. He has a bad smell. He hides ghoulishly in a sinister cave, lit by a computer screen and LEDs instead of candles. Again quoting Stoker, he is someone "without a single speck of colour about him anywhere."
This 21st-century vampire doesn't show up in mirrors. He is not self-reflective, beyond a vague anger-provoking sense that something is wrong with him, that he is sick. He may mourn his sickness or perversely glory in it, but he's unable to really see himself; he's cut off from self-perception. He also cannot "see himself" in others: his alienation makes him incapable of empathy. Lonely and twisted, he is not the controlling and seductive aristocratic Dracula of Stoker's book but the wasted-looking and repulsive Count Orlok of Murnau & Herzog's films.
In the German Nosferatu movies, Orlok is defeated by being distracted by a beautiful woman all through the night. How many squandered nights has our 21st-century vampire suffered the same fate, helplessly hypnotized by images of beautiful young things 'til the break of dawn? What a sad and disgusting creature.
He is bound by complex and ancient rules, he holds himself apart from the masses and yet is less than any one of them, for he is not superhuman: he is subhuman, below human, a dangerous incomplete being... and a plague vector.
Burn him to ash! Slice him, puncture him. Stick a stake through him, a tent-peg pinning him down in the filth where he belongs, ensuring this monster can no longer rise from his grave to upset and attack those in the land of the living. If you cannot destroy him, at least ward him off. He is a 21st-century vampire, a creature of horror whose stale unlife is worse than death: better you die than become him.
Occupy Everything
go occupy everything all of the time. give all your money to the occupation. eat all your meals there. sleep there. laugh there. enjoy the cigarettes brought to you by occupy asheville. seriously do that. never fall into the trap of issuing demands. we want troy davis back from the dead. not a zombie. we want to tear this world apart and let the shiny perfect one underneath shine through. i want to ride in the grasslands on the back of a lion and swim as a mermaid. hang onto all your dreams and imagine the impossible!
Love,
Trending Vampire
Love,
Trending Vampire
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