my roommates are loud
my roommates leave meat in the pots and pans
my roommates leave water in my cast iron pan
my roommates close the bathroom door when they are not in it
as a result, my roommates sometimes walk in on me in the bathroom
my roommates sigh when they realize I am in the bathroom
my roommates have a VOIP phone that rings every morning at 4:45
my roommates have bad politics,
my roommates think they know everything
As a result, my roommates are condescending
my roommates never stop talking
my roommates never stop arguing about things they know nothing about
my roommates said something bad about occupy oakland
my roommates ate my trail mix
my roommates are gone for christmas.
may their plane crash.
Friday, December 16, 2011
THIS IS FOR SASHA!!!
today! i might be laid off. i might go on a US tour. I might have a job. WHO KNOWS! Occupy everything and I hate student loans and oh fucking Bradley Manning is having his hearing and everyone's arrested and the reall thing that the occupy movmeent is showing is that we already live in fascism and check out occupyboston radio and the thing about kim and kris is that i just find kris humpfries incredibly attractive and i'm ashamed of that but it's the truth and well there's been a lot! MERRY CHRISTMAS if you want! thanks robb rohmerhouser! many many other things. really i'll post them all here until I UPDATE YOU THE READERS with some information about where I'm going next i'm never going to start like 10 1-off blogs with special topics because they don't work for me. like its good all those boner plays weren't their own blog because the blog wouldn't have survived, would it? It would have just been another 1-off blog like this other dumb blog i made making fun of republican emails that they all send me.
OK so now that you are caught up stay tuned for another post about how much i hate my roommates!
Love
The staff at Trending Vampire!
<3 <3
OK so now that you are caught up stay tuned for another post about how much i hate my roommates!
Love
The staff at Trending Vampire!
<3 <3
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
The 53%
Little known fact: I could have been rich.
Have you seen this most amazing internet spoof? It's so hilarious - Thank the man who deprives you of rain by sacrificing your first son in the hopes that HE will provide rain!
This is so amazing! It is an uniquely American (puritan) tragedy that we can be bragging about how much shit we can take, in order to align ourselves with those flogging us, and distance ourselves from those unwillingly also take shit.
The people who aren't spoofs are PATHETIC! My god! I have never seen such servile groveling at the hands of those who don't even both to fathom your pathetic existences! RICH PEOPLE HATE YOU, YOU FUCKING FOOLS!
YOU PEOPLE ARE POOR! YOU HAVE NOTHING. YOU DON'T GO ON VACATION! YOU DON'T HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE! YOU ARE ADMITTEDLY TOO POOR TO HAVE CHILDREN!! YOU ARE A SINGLE MOM WORKING 3 JOBS AND GOING TO SCHOOL!!! YOU ARE NOWHERE NEAR THE 53%!!! You are probably in the lowest 15%
AHHH you think by pinching pennies your daughter will be in the 1%! What did you fail 1st grade math?? YOU AND YOUR FAMILY WILL NEVER BE IN THE 1%!!
OK sorry for the all caps. Since these people are actors and their 'tumblr' is a carefully scripting cock brothers right-wing fantasy blog I don't feel angry at the individual actors in the blog, I just like did this whole ranty thing for some reason with the all-caps and now I'm going to step away. Please don't click the link in the beginning unless you too want to be filled with anger towards these actors for a minute before you realized that they are just 99%ers who needed some spare cash in this lame economy!
<3
TV
Have you seen this most amazing internet spoof? It's so hilarious - Thank the man who deprives you of rain by sacrificing your first son in the hopes that HE will provide rain!
I work 900 hours per week at six jobs, and I am also unemployed and have no insurance, but I don't blame SOCIETY! I BLAME MYSELF. Because I am lazy and a loser and oh god, I would kill myself but I love my 6 bosses so much that I don't want to disappoint them. Please please let me be good enough!
This is so amazing! It is an uniquely American (puritan) tragedy that we can be bragging about how much shit we can take, in order to align ourselves with those flogging us, and distance ourselves from those unwillingly also take shit.
The people who aren't spoofs are PATHETIC! My god! I have never seen such servile groveling at the hands of those who don't even both to fathom your pathetic existences! RICH PEOPLE HATE YOU, YOU FUCKING FOOLS!
YOU PEOPLE ARE POOR! YOU HAVE NOTHING. YOU DON'T GO ON VACATION! YOU DON'T HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE! YOU ARE ADMITTEDLY TOO POOR TO HAVE CHILDREN!! YOU ARE A SINGLE MOM WORKING 3 JOBS AND GOING TO SCHOOL!!! YOU ARE NOWHERE NEAR THE 53%!!! You are probably in the lowest 15%
AHHH you think by pinching pennies your daughter will be in the 1%! What did you fail 1st grade math?? YOU AND YOUR FAMILY WILL NEVER BE IN THE 1%!!
OK sorry for the all caps. Since these people are actors and their 'tumblr' is a carefully scripting cock brothers right-wing fantasy blog I don't feel angry at the individual actors in the blog, I just like did this whole ranty thing for some reason with the all-caps and now I'm going to step away. Please don't click the link in the beginning unless you too want to be filled with anger towards these actors for a minute before you realized that they are just 99%ers who needed some spare cash in this lame economy!
<3
TV
Guest Post: a 21st-century vampire
I posit a 21st-century vampire, an internet vampire.
He-- or she-- resides in a tiny coffin-like cocoon, surrounded by his own soil. Like Stoker's original Dracula, he can endure daylight but is weakened by it. He finds it disagreeable. He goes out only at night, and only when driven by hunger-- by appetites-- by an unignorable biological craving for other humans.
He shuns the sun. How pasty he's become! To quote Stoker's novel, "extraordinary pallor."
Count Orlok, the vampire of the German Nosferatu films, was preceded and attended by a flood of rats, plague-bearing rats who were OF the vampire but not, like, physically the vampire. Orlok could also move as a shadow or as fog. Thus, from within his lair, this 21st-century vampire, via the internet, is present in others' lives in a spooky, infiltrating way without being actually tangible. His tapping fingers send forth biting rat-words; he slips through social-media privacy-cracks into others' lives like a clammy mist, observing but unobserved.
Like the vampires of old, this 21st-century equivalent is a parasite, a leech, in the sense that he lacks his own energy and can produce nothing-- he can only consume. He lives to drain the vitality from those who are "alive" and active, perhaps via commenting negatively on their actions and their cultural creations. He is full of hatred for those from whom he draws his own vitality-- hatred entwined with need.
His life force is entirely drawn from others. He has no "self" as such but must suck others' selfhood, acquiring second-hand scraps of self, drinking strength from those more vital. He has a bad smell. He hides ghoulishly in a sinister cave, lit by a computer screen and LEDs instead of candles. Again quoting Stoker, he is someone "without a single speck of colour about him anywhere."
This 21st-century vampire doesn't show up in mirrors. He is not self-reflective, beyond a vague anger-provoking sense that something is wrong with him, that he is sick. He may mourn his sickness or perversely glory in it, but he's unable to really see himself; he's cut off from self-perception. He also cannot "see himself" in others: his alienation makes him incapable of empathy. Lonely and twisted, he is not the controlling and seductive aristocratic Dracula of Stoker's book but the wasted-looking and repulsive Count Orlok of Murnau & Herzog's films.
In the German Nosferatu movies, Orlok is defeated by being distracted by a beautiful woman all through the night. How many squandered nights has our 21st-century vampire suffered the same fate, helplessly hypnotized by images of beautiful young things 'til the break of dawn? What a sad and disgusting creature.
He is bound by complex and ancient rules, he holds himself apart from the masses and yet is less than any one of them, for he is not superhuman: he is subhuman, below human, a dangerous incomplete being... and a plague vector.
Burn him to ash! Slice him, puncture him. Stick a stake through him, a tent-peg pinning him down in the filth where he belongs, ensuring this monster can no longer rise from his grave to upset and attack those in the land of the living. If you cannot destroy him, at least ward him off. He is a 21st-century vampire, a creature of horror whose stale unlife is worse than death: better you die than become him.
He-- or she-- resides in a tiny coffin-like cocoon, surrounded by his own soil. Like Stoker's original Dracula, he can endure daylight but is weakened by it. He finds it disagreeable. He goes out only at night, and only when driven by hunger-- by appetites-- by an unignorable biological craving for other humans.
He shuns the sun. How pasty he's become! To quote Stoker's novel, "extraordinary pallor."
Count Orlok, the vampire of the German Nosferatu films, was preceded and attended by a flood of rats, plague-bearing rats who were OF the vampire but not, like, physically the vampire. Orlok could also move as a shadow or as fog. Thus, from within his lair, this 21st-century vampire, via the internet, is present in others' lives in a spooky, infiltrating way without being actually tangible. His tapping fingers send forth biting rat-words; he slips through social-media privacy-cracks into others' lives like a clammy mist, observing but unobserved.
Like the vampires of old, this 21st-century equivalent is a parasite, a leech, in the sense that he lacks his own energy and can produce nothing-- he can only consume. He lives to drain the vitality from those who are "alive" and active, perhaps via commenting negatively on their actions and their cultural creations. He is full of hatred for those from whom he draws his own vitality-- hatred entwined with need.
His life force is entirely drawn from others. He has no "self" as such but must suck others' selfhood, acquiring second-hand scraps of self, drinking strength from those more vital. He has a bad smell. He hides ghoulishly in a sinister cave, lit by a computer screen and LEDs instead of candles. Again quoting Stoker, he is someone "without a single speck of colour about him anywhere."
This 21st-century vampire doesn't show up in mirrors. He is not self-reflective, beyond a vague anger-provoking sense that something is wrong with him, that he is sick. He may mourn his sickness or perversely glory in it, but he's unable to really see himself; he's cut off from self-perception. He also cannot "see himself" in others: his alienation makes him incapable of empathy. Lonely and twisted, he is not the controlling and seductive aristocratic Dracula of Stoker's book but the wasted-looking and repulsive Count Orlok of Murnau & Herzog's films.
In the German Nosferatu movies, Orlok is defeated by being distracted by a beautiful woman all through the night. How many squandered nights has our 21st-century vampire suffered the same fate, helplessly hypnotized by images of beautiful young things 'til the break of dawn? What a sad and disgusting creature.
He is bound by complex and ancient rules, he holds himself apart from the masses and yet is less than any one of them, for he is not superhuman: he is subhuman, below human, a dangerous incomplete being... and a plague vector.
Burn him to ash! Slice him, puncture him. Stick a stake through him, a tent-peg pinning him down in the filth where he belongs, ensuring this monster can no longer rise from his grave to upset and attack those in the land of the living. If you cannot destroy him, at least ward him off. He is a 21st-century vampire, a creature of horror whose stale unlife is worse than death: better you die than become him.
Occupy Everything
go occupy everything all of the time. give all your money to the occupation. eat all your meals there. sleep there. laugh there. enjoy the cigarettes brought to you by occupy asheville. seriously do that. never fall into the trap of issuing demands. we want troy davis back from the dead. not a zombie. we want to tear this world apart and let the shiny perfect one underneath shine through. i want to ride in the grasslands on the back of a lion and swim as a mermaid. hang onto all your dreams and imagine the impossible!
Love,
Trending Vampire
Love,
Trending Vampire
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
On Strangers
Dear Adoring Public:
Yes, we too find it confusing that not only are we at this advanced age and unmarried, but we are at this advanced age and totally unproposed to. We do not understand it as we too think we are a pretty and kindly somewhat-person. Unfortunately there is nothing we can do about this. Drunken, unsolicited lectures about how we need to love ourselves before anyone else can love us are not only the thing of the first 25 minutes of romantic comedies, they are really very unhelpful. Yes we would like children, yes our time is running out. Yes we are keenly aware of it. We do not, however, have any control over when or if, these events may occur. We appreciate your horror on our behalf, but ultimately our having to justify our existence to you is both unhelpful towards what appears to be your ultimate goal (ie. getting us married and in a suburban home) and frankly it is hurtful and rude!
Yes, we too find it confusing that not only are we at this advanced age and unmarried, but we are at this advanced age and totally unproposed to. We do not understand it as we too think we are a pretty and kindly somewhat-person. Unfortunately there is nothing we can do about this. Drunken, unsolicited lectures about how we need to love ourselves before anyone else can love us are not only the thing of the first 25 minutes of romantic comedies, they are really very unhelpful. Yes we would like children, yes our time is running out. Yes we are keenly aware of it. We do not, however, have any control over when or if, these events may occur. We appreciate your horror on our behalf, but ultimately our having to justify our existence to you is both unhelpful towards what appears to be your ultimate goal (ie. getting us married and in a suburban home) and frankly it is hurtful and rude!
Monday, August 15, 2011
It's easier to spot when you are unfamiliar with the trappings
It is interesting when every once in a while someone says something that pierces the spectacle of the contemporary media. In real time, every person of color interviewed about the riots in England by the BBC was asked a first question: why are they rioting? After an explanation about racism and classism and disenfranchisement that person of color was asked a follow up question: so you condone the rioting? The person of color was left confused as they had said nothing that would indicate an opinion on the riot one way or another.
White commenters were then given the stage: the rioters are nothing but criminals and hooligans! This is blatant criminality!!
Leaving the commentors of color confused, were they then in a debate about whether breaking store windows was criminal? Or were they to debate why this was happening?
So finally it all came to a head when race scholar Darcus Howe was asked to explain the riots:
He is an educated man, and he has thought about racism. His interviewer is a privileged ignorant woman who tries to mask her discomfort by attacking Mr. Howe.
White commenters were then given the stage: the rioters are nothing but criminals and hooligans! This is blatant criminality!!
Leaving the commentors of color confused, were they then in a debate about whether breaking store windows was criminal? Or were they to debate why this was happening?
So finally it all came to a head when race scholar Darcus Howe was asked to explain the riots:
He is an educated man, and he has thought about racism. His interviewer is a privileged ignorant woman who tries to mask her discomfort by attacking Mr. Howe.
there is hope for a better tomorrow.
we hate wading through piles of emails as much as the rest of you. we like vacation better than work. we want to live in an ergonomic world with sepia tones and curved edges. we carry a new world in our hearts.
Friday, July 29, 2011
It's always good to watch your friends grow up
Commodities used to actually be virtual commodities. Nobody actually owned the pigs, or cared where they were located. Commodities, which in actuality are the most tangible of financial instruments ("Hey we're trading something that actually exists!"), were actually virtually named instruments representing those commodities. In other words, 'coffee' wasn't actual coffee that you could turn into a delicious beverage, but was a bet about what coffee would cost at some specified future date. Commodities trading was futures trading and shorting with hilarious names. Does that make sense dear readers? I'm happy to explain more if you'd like! Please request in the comments and I'll make an entire post about complex financial instruments. Or, knowing how this blog works I'll make a series of posts about complex financial instruments.
It seems though that our old friend, Goldman Sachs has turned this model on its head. With the price of land, and machine-gun clad 'security' at an all time low, it seems its more profitable to buy commodities outright rather than trade them. Why bother with the ins and outs of future pricing and speculation when you can just buy one quarter of the world's aluminum and store it in a series of warehouses outside Detroit? Why bother with the middle man? Why bother with the markets? Why bother with the financial instruments you invented? Just debeers style that shit!
It seems though that our old friend, Goldman Sachs has turned this model on its head. With the price of land, and machine-gun clad 'security' at an all time low, it seems its more profitable to buy commodities outright rather than trade them. Why bother with the ins and outs of future pricing and speculation when you can just buy one quarter of the world's aluminum and store it in a series of warehouses outside Detroit? Why bother with the middle man? Why bother with the markets? Why bother with the financial instruments you invented? Just debeers style that shit!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
just for you dear readers
There will be no default. Please do not worry. You should focus your attention on other matters. We will continue our expose of the inner workings of your leaders.
Do not short the economy if you are playing the stock market, long it or medium it or whatever the inverse of short... The rich will get richer.
You are silly for playing into this nonsense and giving these morons any of your time. Enjoy your summer. (or for our southern hemisphere readers, your winter)
Do not short the economy if you are playing the stock market, long it or medium it or whatever the inverse of short... The rich will get richer.
You are silly for playing into this nonsense and giving these morons any of your time. Enjoy your summer. (or for our southern hemisphere readers, your winter)
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
late night washington dc
John Boner is speaker of the house. Everyone thinks he's a consummate douchebag but seriously he's just a misunderstood white guy. Like the rest of them. Anyway - he's usually joined in his office by his assistant, but this time its just him. and his cell phone. John Boner has been promised too much and too little has been delivered. Someone told us recently about a bell hooks book to this effect, but the mere thought of that just reminded us of susan faludi too much and we became angry... we digress...
Barack Obama is the president of the United States. He's taller than John Boner.
JB (into the phone): Hi
BO: John, that you?
JB: Yeah its me.
BO: Great to hear from you John! How can I help?
JB: I guess, you know after all we've been through I just felt kind of bad about last night...
John Boner coughs
BO: Last night? Oh the press conference.
JB: Yeah, I mean I felt like, you know, like I'd maybe come on too strong and like you know, you wouldn't, I don't know...
BO: John, I'm here for you, i"m listening. Just hang on...
Long pause
BO: Where were we John? Sorry I got distracted!
JB: It's just that this whole thing is eating me up inside. I just - I don't know how to go through with or how to not go through with it. I'm just - I'm torn up about everything - I just want things to be ok, like they were.
BO: What is it that's troubling you John? I mean hang on...
John Boner walks around the office, dismayed that maybe Barak Obama doesn't take their relationship as seriously as he thought... He pours another drink
BO: Hi John Sorry - they were calling from Greece - so hard to keep everything in check. But listen, we should talk sometime! Do you want to call my secretary and set up a time? I'll give her some dates in a few weeks when maybe you and I can chat, you know - mano y mano.
BO: Ok John! Great to hear from you! Have a great night!
John Boner sits at his desk. The world spins. It might be the ventilation. We aren't sure.
Barack Obama is the president of the United States. He's taller than John Boner.
JB (into the phone): Hi
BO: John, that you?
JB: Yeah its me.
BO: Great to hear from you John! How can I help?
JB: I guess, you know after all we've been through I just felt kind of bad about last night...
John Boner coughs
BO: Last night? Oh the press conference.
JB: Yeah, I mean I felt like, you know, like I'd maybe come on too strong and like you know, you wouldn't, I don't know...
BO: John, I'm here for you, i"m listening. Just hang on...
Long pause
BO: Where were we John? Sorry I got distracted!
JB: It's just that this whole thing is eating me up inside. I just - I don't know how to go through with or how to not go through with it. I'm just - I'm torn up about everything - I just want things to be ok, like they were.
BO: What is it that's troubling you John? I mean hang on...
John Boner walks around the office, dismayed that maybe Barak Obama doesn't take their relationship as seriously as he thought... He pours another drink
BO: Hi John Sorry - they were calling from Greece - so hard to keep everything in check. But listen, we should talk sometime! Do you want to call my secretary and set up a time? I'll give her some dates in a few weeks when maybe you and I can chat, you know - mano y mano.
BO: Ok John! Great to hear from you! Have a great night!
John Boner sits at his desk. The world spins. It might be the ventilation. We aren't sure.
Monday, July 25, 2011
rain rain go away thats what all my haters say
*we can't write anything today.
we don't have it in us.
we have a 15000 page manifesto to read
Dear Readers
A little poem to brighten your monday:
Don't stop Believing
Hold on to the feeling
Streetlights people
Don't stop Believing
Hold on to the feeling
Streetlights people
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Yes! We think we will add a 'boner' section to our google news page!
John Boner (JB) in his office, he's depressed. He can't believe the mess he's in. He doesn't know where he belongs or who his allies are. He's sitting in his executive chair, behind his desk. He's released the nob on the right hand side so he can really lean back and stare at the ceiling. He's doing this now. Across from his desk sits his Assistant (JBA). His assistant is wearing a pair of stylish black pants that just might be too short, or maybe we don't get it. Anyway he's in his late 20s . He's handsome. He's very thin.
JBA: Is reading something on his iphone.
JBA: Ugh
JB: What tell me. What happened? I need to know... No wait. Don't tell me.
JB lights a cigarette.
JB: Now tell me.
JBA: They want you to call a press conference about that bill.
JB: God.
JBA: They want you to say that its a compromise?
JB: What? How?
JBA: They want you to say that 'they' get the increase, while 'the american people' get a constitutional amendment to prevent taxes from ever being raised again.
Both men stare into the distance, across from each other but as though they are alone in the room. JB forgets he has a cigarette lit, and lights another one.
JBA: Is reading something on his iphone.
JBA: Ugh
JB: What tell me. What happened? I need to know... No wait. Don't tell me.
JB lights a cigarette.
JB: Now tell me.
JBA: They want you to call a press conference about that bill.
JB: God.
JBA: They want you to say that its a compromise?
JB: What? How?
JBA: They want you to say that 'they' get the increase, while 'the american people' get a constitutional amendment to prevent taxes from ever being raised again.
Both men stare into the distance, across from each other but as though they are alone in the room. JB forgets he has a cigarette lit, and lights another one.
Dear People of the WORLD
Next time I predict something, why not just listen?
Sincerely,
TrendingVampire(TM)
Sincerely,
TrendingVampire(TM)
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
the future looks bleak
John Boner (our hero) (JB) has an ice pack on his forehead. He's lying on his bearskin rug. Shoes on, not unlike someone at the therapist's office, but minus the actual couch.
John Boner's Aid (JBA) is sitting on a chair doing nothing near his boss's feet.
JB: You won't let them pie me will you?
JBA: No.
John Boner's Aid (JBA) is sitting on a chair doing nothing near his boss's feet.
JB: You won't let them pie me will you?
JBA: No.
a puzzler brought to you by wll shrz
fact: cointelpro aims to distract activists from their true pursuits.
fact: drinking distracts us from our true pursuits.
conclusion: we can blame our drinking on cointelpro.
fact: drinking distracts us from our true pursuits.
conclusion: we can blame our drinking on cointelpro.
Monday, July 18, 2011
true blood
1. true blood is a totally stupid show and we won't be reviewing it here
2. true blood is a fun show to watch. we recommend you watch it.
3. dialectics break bricks
2. true blood is a fun show to watch. we recommend you watch it.
3. dialectics break bricks
act three: the antichrist appears to rabbit
John Boner takes ice from a little ice dish, ala madmen. He puts it in a glass in a mid century manner. He's a disheveled Don Draper. The world is collapsing and all responses seem appropriate. The bearskin rug doubles as a bed. Bring it world!
JB: She's coming here, right?
John Boner's Aid (an tall attractive nondescript thirtysomething of indeterminate sexual orientation, but quite determinate gender) takes the glass and squeezes a lime into it and then gives it back to his boss.
JBA: Yes she called earlier. She has something she wants to tell you.
RANDOM FEMALE BUZZER VOICE: Michele Blackburn is here.
JB takes a long hurried drink and hands the glass back to his aid.
JB: Quick take this. Take the whole thing. The ice, everything! Put it all in the closet. Quick. You get in there too. Take notes. Can you record? Record it but make sure I hear it first. Use your phone.
JBA: Got it.
JBA retreats into the closet, wheeling a cart with a bucket of ice and some limes with him. He closes the door from the inside.
JB looks at himself in the mirror. He likes what he sees. He takes a moment, runs his fingers through his hair and then straightens his tie. He struts over to the door.
JB: Michele! So good to see you.
Michele Blackburn (MB): John! Excellent!
Michele Blackburn, an extremely tall woman with excellent bone structure enters the room.
She grabs him, and air kisses near both cheeks, flashing a winning smile.
JB: Please sit down.
He gestures to a late 20th century chair and sits down across the desk in his own "executive" model
JB: How can I help you Michele?
The edge in his voice comes through to us, only because we are deeply connected to Our Protagonist. Nobody else would have heard it.
MB: John, I've been receiving very important communications. From our Lord, and He is telling me that He doesn't have a direct line to you!
JB: Michele that's strange. I've been praying my heart out every day here. You can see where the bearskin rug's worn down!
MB: John, I hope you aren't telling me that I'm lying, or that the Lord is lying to me. Anyway, He tells me that you haven't received the communication about the debt ceiling. John, the important thing is that we can just take the money from Planned Parenthood instead of not paying back the Chinese. Did you know that 7 of my children are Chinese?
JB: Michele, gosh...
MB: Hold on John... Incoming. .. Lord? Yes, I'm here with him.... He's saying he talks to you daily... Ahhh I see, not true... You are thinking we should go public with this? I should tell America that John Boner doesn't pray?
JB: Michele - don't you think that's a little rash?
MB: Jesus? You want me to tell everyone that John Boner is an impostor?
JB: Oh Michele, really?
MB: God? OK - ummm I see... if John goes to meet with that heathen president I tell everyone he's murdering children in satanic rituals. If he explains to the American people that the debt ceiling doesn't matter and everything can get imported from China anyway then I don't say anything?
JB: Michele
MB: OH Well thank you God for your benevolent guidance.
MB: Well John, you heard the orders! Isn't God great! Pray with me one time
Michele reaches her hands across the desk. John grabs them with great gusto
MB: Dear heavenly Jesus give John Boner the strength he needs to fight the nazi socialists by letting the American people know that the debt ceiling is just an arbitrary liberal number. Help him summon your angels and saints by letting him know that if he doesn't abide by your heavenly will we will let the American people know that he is a godless atheist smoker whom Jesus hates. In Jesus' name.
Together: Amen
JB: Thanks so much Michele for coming! I really appreciate you taking your time out of your busy schedule to visit with little old me.
MB: Oh John, just remember! Let the American people know the truth of His holy word!
JB: Thanks so much Michele, can i get you anything?
MB: Do you have any of those k-cups. I just love those things! There's no mess! It's coffee in a little cup? You don't have a machine?
JB: Do you want some tonic water?
MB: Oh John you have to get one of those k-cup machines. You would just love it! I'll have my people send one over.
JB: She's coming here, right?
John Boner's Aid (an tall attractive nondescript thirtysomething of indeterminate sexual orientation, but quite determinate gender) takes the glass and squeezes a lime into it and then gives it back to his boss.
JBA: Yes she called earlier. She has something she wants to tell you.
RANDOM FEMALE BUZZER VOICE: Michele Blackburn is here.
JB takes a long hurried drink and hands the glass back to his aid.
JB: Quick take this. Take the whole thing. The ice, everything! Put it all in the closet. Quick. You get in there too. Take notes. Can you record? Record it but make sure I hear it first. Use your phone.
JBA: Got it.
JBA retreats into the closet, wheeling a cart with a bucket of ice and some limes with him. He closes the door from the inside.
JB looks at himself in the mirror. He likes what he sees. He takes a moment, runs his fingers through his hair and then straightens his tie. He struts over to the door.
JB: Michele! So good to see you.
Michele Blackburn (MB): John! Excellent!
Michele Blackburn, an extremely tall woman with excellent bone structure enters the room.
She grabs him, and air kisses near both cheeks, flashing a winning smile.
JB: Please sit down.
He gestures to a late 20th century chair and sits down across the desk in his own "executive" model
JB: How can I help you Michele?
The edge in his voice comes through to us, only because we are deeply connected to Our Protagonist. Nobody else would have heard it.
MB: John, I've been receiving very important communications. From our Lord, and He is telling me that He doesn't have a direct line to you!
JB: Michele that's strange. I've been praying my heart out every day here. You can see where the bearskin rug's worn down!
MB: John, I hope you aren't telling me that I'm lying, or that the Lord is lying to me. Anyway, He tells me that you haven't received the communication about the debt ceiling. John, the important thing is that we can just take the money from Planned Parenthood instead of not paying back the Chinese. Did you know that 7 of my children are Chinese?
JB: Michele, gosh...
MB: Hold on John... Incoming. .. Lord? Yes, I'm here with him.... He's saying he talks to you daily... Ahhh I see, not true... You are thinking we should go public with this? I should tell America that John Boner doesn't pray?
JB: Michele - don't you think that's a little rash?
MB: Jesus? You want me to tell everyone that John Boner is an impostor?
JB: Oh Michele, really?
MB: God? OK - ummm I see... if John goes to meet with that heathen president I tell everyone he's murdering children in satanic rituals. If he explains to the American people that the debt ceiling doesn't matter and everything can get imported from China anyway then I don't say anything?
JB: Michele
MB: OH Well thank you God for your benevolent guidance.
MB: Well John, you heard the orders! Isn't God great! Pray with me one time
Michele reaches her hands across the desk. John grabs them with great gusto
MB: Dear heavenly Jesus give John Boner the strength he needs to fight the nazi socialists by letting the American people know that the debt ceiling is just an arbitrary liberal number. Help him summon your angels and saints by letting him know that if he doesn't abide by your heavenly will we will let the American people know that he is a godless atheist smoker whom Jesus hates. In Jesus' name.
Together: Amen
JB: Thanks so much Michele for coming! I really appreciate you taking your time out of your busy schedule to visit with little old me.
MB: Oh John, just remember! Let the American people know the truth of His holy word!
JB: Thanks so much Michele, can i get you anything?
MB: Do you have any of those k-cups. I just love those things! There's no mess! It's coffee in a little cup? You don't have a machine?
JB: Do you want some tonic water?
MB: Oh John you have to get one of those k-cup machines. You would just love it! I'll have my people send one over.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
fantasies of an alternative life
As there are many different kinds of actual bath salts, there are many different kinds of 'bath salts'. They have many different effects.
It seems that the nytimes got its grubby mitts on some bath salts that resembled khat, molecularly. At Trending Vampire we have long wondered why khat doesn't exist in the west. We enjoy a good drool and we assume you do too. We have long envisioned ourself in the 16th century, hair cropped, drinking coffee out of teeny cups, riding horses... We wish we were chewing khat in Yemen right now.
It seems that the nytimes got its grubby mitts on some bath salts that resembled khat, molecularly. At Trending Vampire we have long wondered why khat doesn't exist in the west. We enjoy a good drool and we assume you do too. We have long envisioned ourself in the 16th century, hair cropped, drinking coffee out of teeny cups, riding horses... We wish we were chewing khat in Yemen right now.
just some ideas for your sunday evening.
1. Whenever I hear of anarchist infighting I shift the burden, and demand proof that it isn't COINTELPRO.
2. When I have writers block, instead of thinking, 'gee - I guess this means my life is going well!', I think, 'how can I make myself depressed and angsty?'
3. remember, when given two options always choose the larger room.
4. ??
2. When I have writers block, instead of thinking, 'gee - I guess this means my life is going well!', I think, 'how can I make myself depressed and angsty?'
3. remember, when given two options always choose the larger room.
4. ??
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Some AM Musings
Isn't the total exposure of ideas mixed with an obviously totalitarian state really confusing?
A government employee posted on facebook that Casey Anthony and OJ both deserve to die.
Everyone involved in cablegate is so interesting and modern compared to our actual leaders? Even adrian LAMO is a post modern villain with his MTF ex girlfriend; his clearly redacted newly released 'chat logs in their entirety' are hilarious. He says NOTHING throughout the exchange. His words are so obviously missing! BradAss just babbles away while our sexy enlightened villain twiddles his hipster mustache.
The people involved in the entire caper are so much more intriguing than poor Casey Anthony that we wish her death so that we can put the world back into a simpler place where bad is punished through lynchings. The leaks the sex scandals, the snitching the treachery its all really too much to bear!
While our children are the future our baby boomers are not. Our baby boomers have destroyed everything. They are the people in charge right now, and they are dying out, of natural causes! Why spend a bunch of money trying to prevent that?
A government employee posted on facebook that Casey Anthony and OJ both deserve to die.
Everyone involved in cablegate is so interesting and modern compared to our actual leaders? Even adrian LAMO is a post modern villain with his MTF ex girlfriend; his clearly redacted newly released 'chat logs in their entirety' are hilarious. He says NOTHING throughout the exchange. His words are so obviously missing! BradAss just babbles away while our sexy enlightened villain twiddles his hipster mustache.
The people involved in the entire caper are so much more intriguing than poor Casey Anthony that we wish her death so that we can put the world back into a simpler place where bad is punished through lynchings. The leaks the sex scandals, the snitching the treachery its all really too much to bear!
While our children are the future our baby boomers are not. Our baby boomers have destroyed everything. They are the people in charge right now, and they are dying out, of natural causes! Why spend a bunch of money trying to prevent that?
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
j-bo
some weeks ago i was talking with some friends about Dear Leader and we decided to rewatch the inaugural address, and revisit why we thought leonard peltier wouldn't still be in jail today!
so we brought it up, but the most fascinating thing about the address was john bAner. Look at him hungover at twitching and high as a kite, right behind the president. we at trending vampire are no experts, but its really clear that he's on drugs amirite? we thought to ourselves. this dude is no villain, he's a drug addict! he needs some 12 steps, but he's actually too smart sensitive and traumatized by life to even believe in that shit. he's world weary - fuck he doesn't believe any of the shit he says, and he's crying because its all such bullshit.
its not wrong to find yourself not in the life you imagined. who doesn't? bAner's life though is so far from where it started, so confusingly depraved and empty that its like you are watching a john updike novel come to life.
anyway so that you don't get the wrong one without j-bo in it:
so we brought it up, but the most fascinating thing about the address was john bAner. Look at him hungover at twitching and high as a kite, right behind the president. we at trending vampire are no experts, but its really clear that he's on drugs amirite? we thought to ourselves. this dude is no villain, he's a drug addict! he needs some 12 steps, but he's actually too smart sensitive and traumatized by life to even believe in that shit. he's world weary - fuck he doesn't believe any of the shit he says, and he's crying because its all such bullshit.
its not wrong to find yourself not in the life you imagined. who doesn't? bAner's life though is so far from where it started, so confusingly depraved and empty that its like you are watching a john updike novel come to life.
anyway so that you don't get the wrong one without j-bo in it:
she'd been staring at her internet for approximately 60 hours. she was supposed to be packing. her things. her precious things were comingled with her unprecious things, causing tremendous anxiety.
she was absurdly pensive for a person listening to the 'hip hop bbq' station on pandora. her back ached from procrastination. no. thats not right! thats not what she does, and not who she is. is who she is the person with all this half assed shit badly packed in boxes? or is she the one with the stuff still left to pack? who are any of us really?
she bought some cigarettes for the process. winston's - her friend anna's brand. she missed her real friends because they weren't with her. nobody was. just this garbage! why does she have any of it?
does she even have friends?
how to float right out of this life that she's seemed to float right into somehow without realizing it. that she's a nomad is made all the more plain by the absolute proof that she is not.
its not worth it! none of it is!
i was supposed to have thrown much of this away by now. i had told myself this when i moved in. now i'm moving out. how did this happen to me? what is wrong with me?
she was absurdly pensive for a person listening to the 'hip hop bbq' station on pandora. her back ached from procrastination. no. thats not right! thats not what she does, and not who she is. is who she is the person with all this half assed shit badly packed in boxes? or is she the one with the stuff still left to pack? who are any of us really?
she bought some cigarettes for the process. winston's - her friend anna's brand. she missed her real friends because they weren't with her. nobody was. just this garbage! why does she have any of it?
does she even have friends?
who am i? a combination of who i am not? this isn't me. i'm can't be this nonexistent garbage that won't put itself into these boxes. everything is so dirty! how do i live like this? surrounding by cheap plastic trinkets.
how to float right out of this life that she's seemed to float right into somehow without realizing it. that she's a nomad is made all the more plain by the absolute proof that she is not.
I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN BERLIN
its not worth it! none of it is!
Act 2
John Boner (pronounced Boner): What ever you do do not open the curtains!!!
John Boner's Aid: Duh.
John Boner: God - ugh - i'm so fucked
JBA: No you're not [[looks over JB's head and sighs inaudibly]] You are a great man! Do you want me to light a cigarette for you? That always makes you feel better.
JB: No - i really need some of that mangosteen aloe juice. Could you order that for me? Pretty please! But DON'T LET ANYONE KNOW ITS FOR ME!!!
JBA: Sure. Do you want a cookie too?
JB: Yes!!! A cookie would be great.
~~They both sit on the floor on a huge bear skin rug in the middle of the office. John Boner's aid (who has no name) is rubbing John Boner's back ~~
JB: I have to throw Barry under the bus. I have to do it today. Oh god - he's like my only friend. WHY IS thiS HAPPENING TO ME!!!
JBA: There's nothing wrong you are just hung over.
JB: Really?
JBA: Yeah just do what you have to do. Everyone loves you. Everyone respects you.
JB: Are you sure? I mean I think that there might be something actually wrong...
JBA: No - its just the hangover talking. Seriously
JB: This doesn't even make sense. I mean he's going to cut the deficit by 4 Trillion and I'm supposed to say we don't want to do that? How is anyone even going to believe me.
JBA: Shhhhh - we can't worry about that part.
JB: Do you have a cigarette?
JBA: Right here...
~~ Both men pause, light cigarettes and start to smoke ~~
JB: I don't wnat to do this... I don't even get it. Why are we doing this?
JBA: Shhhhh its ok its going to be ok...
~~ JBA starts to pet JB's hair ~~
JB: I like the deal. I mean who cares if bazilionaires are taxed a bit more. Why do we have to care sooooo much?
JBA: It's just the way it is.
JB: It's just crazy! I mean what do they want for this country? What's the end result of these policies? Big fences, populace in slavery? People with tuberculosis coughing all over me?
JBA: Its ok John, er Representative Boner.
JB: Is it? Am I just hung over?... Barry's a nice guy. You know? He smokes reds!!! I just want everything to be nice, you know? Like just have a good country. I totally know global warming exists. This is all so fucked!
~~ Both men stare into nothing in the dark smokey office ~~
JB: Hold me.
John Boner's Aid: Duh.
John Boner: God - ugh - i'm so fucked
JBA: No you're not [[looks over JB's head and sighs inaudibly]] You are a great man! Do you want me to light a cigarette for you? That always makes you feel better.
JB: No - i really need some of that mangosteen aloe juice. Could you order that for me? Pretty please! But DON'T LET ANYONE KNOW ITS FOR ME!!!
JBA: Sure. Do you want a cookie too?
JB: Yes!!! A cookie would be great.
~~They both sit on the floor on a huge bear skin rug in the middle of the office. John Boner's aid (who has no name) is rubbing John Boner's back ~~
JB: I have to throw Barry under the bus. I have to do it today. Oh god - he's like my only friend. WHY IS thiS HAPPENING TO ME!!!
JBA: There's nothing wrong you are just hung over.
JB: Really?
JBA: Yeah just do what you have to do. Everyone loves you. Everyone respects you.
JB: Are you sure? I mean I think that there might be something actually wrong...
JBA: No - its just the hangover talking. Seriously
JB: This doesn't even make sense. I mean he's going to cut the deficit by 4 Trillion and I'm supposed to say we don't want to do that? How is anyone even going to believe me.
JBA: Shhhhh - we can't worry about that part.
JB: Do you have a cigarette?
JBA: Right here...
~~ Both men pause, light cigarettes and start to smoke ~~
JB: I don't wnat to do this... I don't even get it. Why are we doing this?
JBA: Shhhhh its ok its going to be ok...
~~ JBA starts to pet JB's hair ~~
JB: I like the deal. I mean who cares if bazilionaires are taxed a bit more. Why do we have to care sooooo much?
JBA: It's just the way it is.
JB: It's just crazy! I mean what do they want for this country? What's the end result of these policies? Big fences, populace in slavery? People with tuberculosis coughing all over me?
JBA: Its ok John, er Representative Boner.
JB: Is it? Am I just hung over?... Barry's a nice guy. You know? He smokes reds!!! I just want everything to be nice, you know? Like just have a good country. I totally know global warming exists. This is all so fucked!
~~ Both men stare into nothing in the dark smokey office ~~
JB: Hold me.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Dear Netflix
We have been together so long. I'm so sorry to see you go. I'm the kind of person who streams a few movies a month, who maybe watches 2 dvds a month. I'm also a person with a high speed internet account. I've appreciated getting those little red packets in the mail for well over a decade.
Best of luck with all your endeavors,
TV
Best of luck with all your endeavors,
TV
A clarification regarding the TrendingVampire Plan to save the Economy
Dear adoring public:
We are proposing that for a nominal fee, say $1000, Job Creators can 'vote' for our elected representatives. Job Creators, in their benevolence, may choose to give welfare queens sucking off the teats of socialism more incentive not to work by choosing to 'vote' multiple times.
Job Creators are just that kind.
- The TrendingVampire Staff
We are proposing that for a nominal fee, say $1000, Job Creators can 'vote' for our elected representatives. Job Creators, in their benevolence, may choose to give welfare queens sucking off the teats of socialism more incentive not to work by choosing to 'vote' multiple times.
Job Creators are just that kind.
- The TrendingVampire Staff
Monday, July 11, 2011
a totally fictional play i've been working on: act 1
-- a door opens to an oddly decorated dark smoke filled executive office. All the pens seem like pharmaceutical swag, but on closer inspection bear names like 'Camel' and 'Winston'. The furniture is all old wood, and there's a rainforest's worth of tropical animals adorning the walls. A blinking neon Marlboro sign hanging in the stained glass window--
john boner's aid: * cough * John, we are really getting down to the wire. *cough *
-- he waves his hand in front of his face to try to get some of the smoke away. he's a very stylishly dressed very handsome tall man - kind of like the vampire lestat when he was human. --
jb's aid: do you want me to open the window?
john boner (speaker of the house its pronounced boner - he's red eyed from his brutal hangover): yes if it will make you feel better. oh god. do you remember last night? everybody hates me, right? oh no. i think i might have told Labrador i didn't believe in this bullshit. i don't know what i believe. i think i'm dying. my skin feels like mold. do you still think i'm pretty?
-- john boner lies down on the flower and covers his face with his arms. --
john boner: nobody loves me
john boner's aid: everybody loves you mr. boner. you are just hungover. you didn't do anything wrong. everyone thinks you are hilarious. you are so funny when you drink! also that Rep Labrador - all he noticed was that you were even more hilarious than usual.
john boner: are you sure?
john boner's aid: of course i'm sure! i'm sure you behaved just perfectly
john boner: will you marry me in New York?
john boner's aid: hehehe your wife still loves you very much. i don't think going gay will help us rectify this situation.
john boner: can you get me some soup? some miso soup? but if anyone asks, say its yours?
john boner's aid: yeah i'll be right back.
john boner: no don't leave me!
john boner: just order it. i feel like i might have grabbed Nan's ass. do you think thats possible?
john boner's aid: no. you definitely didn't grab Rep Heyworth's ass.
john boner: ok. can i have a coke? and like some spaghetti too? just order it all and say its for you. order me some surprises, too. like a treat of some sort. whatever you think will make me feel better.
john boner's aid: * cough * John, we are really getting down to the wire. *cough *
-- he waves his hand in front of his face to try to get some of the smoke away. he's a very stylishly dressed very handsome tall man - kind of like the vampire lestat when he was human. --
jb's aid: do you want me to open the window?
john boner (speaker of the house its pronounced boner - he's red eyed from his brutal hangover): yes if it will make you feel better. oh god. do you remember last night? everybody hates me, right? oh no. i think i might have told Labrador i didn't believe in this bullshit. i don't know what i believe. i think i'm dying. my skin feels like mold. do you still think i'm pretty?
-- john boner lies down on the flower and covers his face with his arms. --
john boner: nobody loves me
john boner's aid: everybody loves you mr. boner. you are just hungover. you didn't do anything wrong. everyone thinks you are hilarious. you are so funny when you drink! also that Rep Labrador - all he noticed was that you were even more hilarious than usual.
john boner: are you sure?
john boner's aid: of course i'm sure! i'm sure you behaved just perfectly
john boner: will you marry me in New York?
john boner's aid: hehehe your wife still loves you very much. i don't think going gay will help us rectify this situation.
john boner: can you get me some soup? some miso soup? but if anyone asks, say its yours?
john boner's aid: yeah i'll be right back.
john boner: no don't leave me!
john boner: just order it. i feel like i might have grabbed Nan's ass. do you think thats possible?
john boner's aid: no. you definitely didn't grab Rep Heyworth's ass.
john boner: ok. can i have a coke? and like some spaghetti too? just order it all and say its for you. order me some surprises, too. like a treat of some sort. whatever you think will make me feel better.
the trending vampire plan to save the economy
we have this like election coming up and we need to have a fundraiser of some sort, right?
what about instead of having people vote for free we charge them and then use the money to pay down the debt? you could buy as many votes as you want and then we'd have plenty of money, right?
what about instead of having people vote for free we charge them and then use the money to pay down the debt? you could buy as many votes as you want and then we'd have plenty of money, right?
Lestat's stinking organ
someone asked me why vampires were so heteronormative the other day.
Vampires aren't all hetero. That's why we here are so into Michele Bachmann (mibac) - she and her gay husband are all about the non-trad lifestyle.
Vampires aren't all hetero. That's why we here are so into Michele Bachmann (mibac) - she and her gay husband are all about the non-trad lifestyle.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
clash of the titans: david vitter vs. anthony weiner
Nobody wants to think about some poor hooker in 5 inch heels wiping David Vitter's ass while changing his nappy. It's totally disgusting. David Vitter is hideously unattractive, and has flabby pasty skin would be disgusting any which way but with shit smeared all over it? I'm making myself nauseous and I'm immortal and don't even have a digestive system!
Anyway as it turns out Anthony Weiner is kind of cute and an exhibitionist, and modern and All-American in his interests. He's got the hot long-suffering (pregnant!) wife, he wants to show off his junk in a new-media way, he's got good pecks, he sends his photos to young attractive women. It's juicy, it's American (we invented twitter, amirite) it's right before the 4th of July.
David Vitter, ugh. We and the media couldn't talk about it because we couldn't fathom it. There was no way to parse the scandal! To open it up, examine it, let it reach the light of day because we were very anxious to push it back into the netherworld where we would never have to think about it again.
And that my friends is the difference between who goes down in sex scandals and who doesn't. It's nothing to do with republicans or democrats, its about the attractiveness of the parties involved. There's a total correlation between how turned on we as a public are by the scandal and how much we want to talk about it.
I'm so sorry for making you think about David Vitter at all. His campaign ads never feature pictures of him for this very reason.
Anyway as it turns out Anthony Weiner is kind of cute and an exhibitionist, and modern and All-American in his interests. He's got the hot long-suffering (pregnant!) wife, he wants to show off his junk in a new-media way, he's got good pecks, he sends his photos to young attractive women. It's juicy, it's American (we invented twitter, amirite) it's right before the 4th of July.
David Vitter, ugh. We and the media couldn't talk about it because we couldn't fathom it. There was no way to parse the scandal! To open it up, examine it, let it reach the light of day because we were very anxious to push it back into the netherworld where we would never have to think about it again.
And that my friends is the difference between who goes down in sex scandals and who doesn't. It's nothing to do with republicans or democrats, its about the attractiveness of the parties involved. There's a total correlation between how turned on we as a public are by the scandal and how much we want to talk about it.
I'm so sorry for making you think about David Vitter at all. His campaign ads never feature pictures of him for this very reason.
Monday, June 13, 2011
wearepostleftist
we are vampires. we are beyond your political realm. we think that if we let the sidewalks crack the people will bond together. today they cut down a tree. nobody knows, nobody cares, nobody protested. why? because this is a leftist government and as such, the people are pacified.
we want mankind, not sheep! mankind is juicy. sheep taste like junk.
we don't think that all leftists will shoot us in the back like in a fictionalized russian town 100 years ago, but we do think that their aims are not our aims. we don't think that history controls the future, but we do think that we need to construct our own realm in which to practice the dark arts.
Love,
TV!
we want mankind, not sheep! mankind is juicy. sheep taste like junk.
we don't think that all leftists will shoot us in the back like in a fictionalized russian town 100 years ago, but we do think that their aims are not our aims. we don't think that history controls the future, but we do think that we need to construct our own realm in which to practice the dark arts.
Love,
TV!
Friday, June 10, 2011
Rome wasn't built in a day!
You know you may think that Lady Gaga invented some shit, but the truth is - Ke$ha is an actually talented crossover artist. She's played on urban radio all the time. She's played in gay clubs, and my niece loves her. Her voice is infectious, her songs play on misogyny, she's trashed all the time, and who doesn't love glitter. If you can't figure out that she's actually talented somewhere deep within, and just enjoying your life, I don't think you understand how 'art' works.
Also this Rules!:
D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R
A dinosaur
D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R
A dinosaur
An O-L-D M-A-N
You're just an old man
Hitting on me what?
You need a cat scan
Verse 1:
Oh man
Why are you starin' at me
Mack on me and my friends it's kinda a creepy
You should be prowling around the Old folks home
Come on dude!
Leave us alone
At first we thought that it was kind of ill when
We saw that you were like a billion
And still out tryin' to make a killin'
Get back to the museum
Chours:
D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R
A dinosaur
D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R
A dinosaur
An O-L-D M-A-N
You're just an old man
Hitting on me what?
You need a cat scan
Hey dinosaur,
Hey you're prehistoric!
Hey dinosaur,
That's what you are HA!
Hey carnivore,
You want my meat and I know it!
Hey dinosaur,
That's what you are HA!
Yeah, Your pretty old hahaha
Not long til' your a senior citizen
And you can strut around with that sexy tank of oxygen
Honey your toupee is fallin' to your left side
Get up and go bro!
Oh wait your fossilized HA!
Then you offered me a martini
Walk away with your hips with in sinking
Then you say, Honey wanna come with me
I'm about to barf seriously
Chorus:
D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R
A dinosaur
D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R
A dinosaur
An O-L-D M-A-N
You're just an old man
Hitting on me what?
You need a cat scan
Hey dinosaur,
Baby you're prehistoric!
Hey dinosaur,
That's what you are HA!
Hey carnivore,
You want my meat I know it!
Hey dinosaur,
That's what you are HA!
Hey dinosaur,
Baby you're prehistoric!
Hey dinosaur,
That's what you are HA!
Hey carnivore,
You want my meat I know it!
Hey dinosaur,
That's what you are HA!
Chorus:
D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R
A dinosaur
D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R
That's what you are HA!
D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R
That's what you are HA!
Also this Rules!:
Friday, June 3, 2011
It is important that we recognize the blood-sucking nature of liberal institutions like PBS
There has been a lot of talk about the problems with right-wing hackers targeting progressive causes. Then lulz international hacked the PBS website, cleverly using 'all yr base are belong to us'.
We must not wring our hands.
We must not wring our hands.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
marius is a bee!
obviously. I don't know why I didn't think of it first. Well, I did. He's a bee. It's clear. The description of his artwork is just a full color beehive collective poster. all over a tropical island.
Maybe 'mary' is living large in Maine, holding the secrets to the universe as told to The Vampire Lestat?
Vampires Like Bluesey Classic Rock in the Summer
They want a portable tape player to listen to Credence on.
Every spring the same thing happens. The world's aglow, riding bikes to the pond, the wind in your hair, pickup trucks with watermelon nearby... Keith Richards talks about trying to create the 'Satisfaction' sound using a tape player.
Every spring the same thing happens. The world's aglow, riding bikes to the pond, the wind in your hair, pickup trucks with watermelon nearby... Keith Richards talks about trying to create the 'Satisfaction' sound using a tape player.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
We Love the Spanish Spring
We wish we were in Puerto Del Sol right now, drinking beer with our friends, singing revolutionary songs, beating up fascists, and stealing their would-be-converts out from under them...
Spain is just so great and REVOLUTIONARY SPAIN, as I can only imagine, would be even better.
Spain is just so great and REVOLUTIONARY SPAIN, as I can only imagine, would be even better.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Sorry for not posting a lot this weekend
I was really bummed about the Macho Man and I rewatched a ton of old matches and learned all about Elizabeth being beaten to death by Lex Luger and watched interviews with him and was generally bummed about really Randy Savage and Elizabeth.
It was fun watching old matches, but man how fucked up. I really wanted to find for you this interview with Bret Hart by Terry Gross about his book. I haven't read it but Bret Hart is super smart and interesting and if you ever get to hear that interview I highly recommend listening to it!
It was fun watching old matches, but man how fucked up. I really wanted to find for you this interview with Bret Hart by Terry Gross about his book. I haven't read it but Bret Hart is super smart and interesting and if you ever get to hear that interview I highly recommend listening to it!
Guide to Sabra Hummus For Hipsters
So yesterday they were giving out this Israeli hummus that we are all supposed to be boycotting.
I said to the person I was walking with (PIWWW), "I think we're supposed to be boycotting this."
PIWWW: 'yeah but its free.'
True. It was free. I took it too. But then I realized that as the arbiters of culture and cool we couldn't let the other people see us with the hummus. We hid it.
Later... PIWWW happily eating the hummus.
Me: dude put that away. We are the coolest people here. Everyone's going to think its ok to eat that hummus.
PIWWW doesn't ask for an explanation, doesn't say, 'why would all these yuppies think we are cool?'
PIWW carefully puts the hummus carefully away.
I said to the person I was walking with (PIWWW), "I think we're supposed to be boycotting this."
PIWWW: 'yeah but its free.'
True. It was free. I took it too. But then I realized that as the arbiters of culture and cool we couldn't let the other people see us with the hummus. We hid it.
Later... PIWWW happily eating the hummus.
Me: dude put that away. We are the coolest people here. Everyone's going to think its ok to eat that hummus.
PIWWW doesn't ask for an explanation, doesn't say, 'why would all these yuppies think we are cool?'
PIWW carefully puts the hummus carefully away.
On Justice Scalia
Careful readers of TrendingVampire will know that Scalia is obviously not a vampire.
This is obvious for several reasons. In covens, putting Vampires 'to ground' is reserved for very serious offenses, done carefully, thoughtfully and well seriously. We humans clearly don't do that with our criminal underclass. Its probably because when we put people to jail we use them as slaves, but when vampires are put to ground, or left floating in the bottom of the ocean, they aren't used to advantage their captors.
Scalia's dissent in Brown-v-Plata reads like a bad queer romance novel, where the justice dispensed by a glistening, ripped former
inmate, requires the Supreme Court Justice be chained in the basement waiting to take his punishment.
A new vampire (or Dexter) would obviously welcome this new segment of the non-innocent population, and all regular (100+ year old vampires) would probably be like 'What the fuck! Humans are 'mortal'. It's pretty fucking sick to leave them in jail for their entire lives!'
This is obvious for several reasons. In covens, putting Vampires 'to ground' is reserved for very serious offenses, done carefully, thoughtfully and well seriously. We humans clearly don't do that with our criminal underclass. Its probably because when we put people to jail we use them as slaves, but when vampires are put to ground, or left floating in the bottom of the ocean, they aren't used to advantage their captors.
Scalia's dissent in Brown-v-Plata reads like a bad queer romance novel, where the justice dispensed by a glistening, ripped former
inmate, requires the Supreme Court Justice be chained in the basement waiting to take his punishment.
A new vampire (or Dexter) would obviously welcome this new segment of the non-innocent population, and all regular (100+ year old vampires) would probably be like 'What the fuck! Humans are 'mortal'. It's pretty fucking sick to leave them in jail for their entire lives!'
Friday, May 20, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
From the mailbag
Sasha writes:
I wish I'd been clearer in that post, Sasha. I do apologize. Vampires, having been 'othered' for centuries, really understand intersectionality. They 'get it'. They kill, but they do understand oppression. They have a keen read on misogyny, (and racism, homophobia, ageism, ableism, etc.) and they really don't care about menstrual blood. Like it's just not a big deal to them. They like blood, and they like their victims, so they don't care what stage their victims are in their menstrual cycles. They aren't like worried about what you look like either. They care about the person inside you.
It's often been hundreds of years of hunting human prey, so they've had time to think about the differences and similarities in all of us. I really think that it's not that they are anti-misogynistic, they've just lost a lot of their judeo christian hangups. You know? They're not like some 18 year old boy who is experiencing this for the first time. By now, they've learned that it doesn't behove them to be racist. Why would it? Why be like that? They also have had time to think about how racism, sexism, etc. affect all fo us, how it manifests in each of their victims. They've worked through, unpacked, broken down a lot of their shit.
This post was really helpful.
Are vampires anti-misogynistic, or do they just like the blood?
Thanks.
I wish I'd been clearer in that post, Sasha. I do apologize. Vampires, having been 'othered' for centuries, really understand intersectionality. They 'get it'. They kill, but they do understand oppression. They have a keen read on misogyny, (and racism, homophobia, ageism, ableism, etc.) and they really don't care about menstrual blood. Like it's just not a big deal to them. They like blood, and they like their victims, so they don't care what stage their victims are in their menstrual cycles. They aren't like worried about what you look like either. They care about the person inside you.
It's often been hundreds of years of hunting human prey, so they've had time to think about the differences and similarities in all of us. I really think that it's not that they are anti-misogynistic, they've just lost a lot of their judeo christian hangups. You know? They're not like some 18 year old boy who is experiencing this for the first time. By now, they've learned that it doesn't behove them to be racist. Why would it? Why be like that? They also have had time to think about how racism, sexism, etc. affect all fo us, how it manifests in each of their victims. They've worked through, unpacked, broken down a lot of their shit.
on hipsters and anarchists, again.
So I was thinking some more about this and the thing is:
Do you remember when chumbawumba released that ridiculous song 'tubthumping'? Of course you do! So I was watching the View one morning, its the show with a bunch of ladies sitting around talking about Tom Cruise, and Chumbawumba was performing on the view and they sang that song, except instead of the chorus they said, 'Free Mumia Abu Jamaal'. See Chumbawumba was trying to inflitrate hipsters! That's what they were trying to do. It failed miserably. It was so totally pathetic. Watch Timebomb! It's so great
So anyway - what they did was they tried to make themselves even more palatable and hip. They stopped being crazy, or wild or live vital anarchists, in order to bring Anarchism to the View. Someone asked them what anarchism was on the show and they politely explained it, but at that moment they ceased to be relevant because they ceased to be anarchist. You can like allow the legions to love you, but once you cross some line of dumbing yourself down to gain acceptance their scorn will burn.
I walk a lot of lines. Often unsuccessfully, but I know that everybody smells an unpracticed impostor a mile away. Hipsters crave our legitimacy and our secrets. They don't crave a bunch of has-beens trying to rekindle a lost childhood in their playground. In order to make revolution palatable it needs to be glamorous and sexy. Cool kids know the difference. They smell your weakness and your posturing. They don't like it.
Maybe you don't care and you are tired and you want to rest with your louis vuitton shades you claim to have dumpstered. That's cool. Lots of anarchists go to die among the hipsters. It's easy there. It's so fucking easy to be a hipster having navigated our terrain. It's easy but it's boring; if that's where life's brought you I understand. Just man up and own it dude.
Do you remember when chumbawumba released that ridiculous song 'tubthumping'? Of course you do! So I was watching the View one morning, its the show with a bunch of ladies sitting around talking about Tom Cruise, and Chumbawumba was performing on the view and they sang that song, except instead of the chorus they said, 'Free Mumia Abu Jamaal'. See Chumbawumba was trying to inflitrate hipsters! That's what they were trying to do. It failed miserably. It was so totally pathetic. Watch Timebomb! It's so great
So anyway - what they did was they tried to make themselves even more palatable and hip. They stopped being crazy, or wild or live vital anarchists, in order to bring Anarchism to the View. Someone asked them what anarchism was on the show and they politely explained it, but at that moment they ceased to be relevant because they ceased to be anarchist. You can like allow the legions to love you, but once you cross some line of dumbing yourself down to gain acceptance their scorn will burn.
I walk a lot of lines. Often unsuccessfully, but I know that everybody smells an unpracticed impostor a mile away. Hipsters crave our legitimacy and our secrets. They don't crave a bunch of has-beens trying to rekindle a lost childhood in their playground. In order to make revolution palatable it needs to be glamorous and sexy. Cool kids know the difference. They smell your weakness and your posturing. They don't like it.
Maybe you don't care and you are tired and you want to rest with your louis vuitton shades you claim to have dumpstered. That's cool. Lots of anarchists go to die among the hipsters. It's easy there. It's so fucking easy to be a hipster having navigated our terrain. It's easy but it's boring; if that's where life's brought you I understand. Just man up and own it dude.
The fucking queen is in ireland!
So a million years ago there were these Irish people who fought for self determination. Anyway there was a super sad hunger strike and Maggie Thatcher with her iron fist or whatever let them all die. It was the subject of a great book, Ten Men Dead. I think you should go out and get this for your kindels tout suite (Sp?)!
Anyway so like the world has the history of a flea and even Irish people, who've been fighting a war of occupation for approximately 1200 years forgot I guess, and allowed her majesty to come ashore in an emerald green suite and practice her Irish. I write this to let you know that there is about to be a hunger strike at Pelican Bay State Prison, right here in California, on July 1, 2011! I ask all the Trendsters to get rid of the SHU, and support these incarcerated people as though they were your favorite freedom fighters!
Here is some more information:
Anyway so like the world has the history of a flea and even Irish people, who've been fighting a war of occupation for approximately 1200 years forgot I guess, and allowed her majesty to come ashore in an emerald green suite and practice her Irish. I write this to let you know that there is about to be a hunger strike at Pelican Bay State Prison, right here in California, on July 1, 2011! I ask all the Trendsters to get rid of the SHU, and support these incarcerated people as though they were your favorite freedom fighters!
Here is some more information:
n July 1, 2011, between 50 and 100 prisoners at Pelican Bay State Prison in the Security Housing Unit (SHU), Corridor D, are going on an indefinite hunger strike. The D corridor (also known as the "short" corridor) has the highest level of restricted incarceration in the state of California and among the most severe conditions in the united states. The rules of their confinement are extremely harsh in order to force them to "debrief" or offer up information about criminal or prison gang activity of other prisoners. Most inmates in the SHU are not members or associates of prison gangs, as the PBSP staff claims, and even those who are put their lives and the lives of their families and other prisoners at risk if they debrief.
Using conditions of severe mental and physical harm in order to force prisoners into confessing is torture! Many debriefers simply make up information about other prisoners just to escape the isolation units. This misinformation is then used to validate other prisoners as members or associates of prison gangs who in reality have nothing to do whatsoever with gang activity.
This widespread hunger strike has the potential to become the most significant event in California prison reform in the last decade. Public support is crucial. Outside support work will be coordinated by California Prison Focus and other groups.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
on roaches
if you are going to have roaches (and you probably are at some point) you should follow the following rules:
1) Try to have only one species of roach
2) Try to keep them on or near the floors, or at the very worst, the sink
3) Don't try to kill them. Contrary to what you learned in biology class they actually multiply when smeared.
1) Try to have only one species of roach
2) Try to keep them on or near the floors, or at the very worst, the sink
3) Don't try to kill them. Contrary to what you learned in biology class they actually multiply when smeared.
Do Vampires Like Menstrual Blood?
You know, its funny. Because according to christian mythology and some other mythologies we here at trending vampires are less familiar with, menstrual blood is unpure, and icky, and women can't be priests, etc. So you would think that vampires would be against menstrual blood. Because you, you puritan you, are against menstrual blood. That would be you imposing your misogynistic cultural norms on vampires, now, wouldn't it?
Vampires have generally had centuries to shake themselves of their cultural baggage. While just a few years ago you may have encountered a woman - not in porn - who had her period, and perhaps you were bummed, or frightened, or horrified when she started writhing on the floor in pain, or throwing up, or fainting or what have you, well, anyway vampires have been dealing with girlfriends with their periods for quite some time. And well as we all know - well - Sasha (see comment below) knows anyway - we ladies (who aren't vampires) are blessed with the ability to forget, each and every month, just how bad our periods are. Vampires, however, don't forget how other peoples' periods are, because they are blessed with superior memories and powers of perception!! They are like our long suffering boyfriends who deal with the bloody mess and have no ability to forget. So anyway vampires like periods. They don't give a fuck where the blood comes from! They like sex and periods and they aren't bothered by your trivial petty human misgivings!
Vampires have generally had centuries to shake themselves of their cultural baggage. While just a few years ago you may have encountered a woman - not in porn - who had her period, and perhaps you were bummed, or frightened, or horrified when she started writhing on the floor in pain, or throwing up, or fainting or what have you, well, anyway vampires have been dealing with girlfriends with their periods for quite some time. And well as we all know - well - Sasha (see comment below) knows anyway - we ladies (who aren't vampires) are blessed with the ability to forget, each and every month, just how bad our periods are. Vampires, however, don't forget how other peoples' periods are, because they are blessed with superior memories and powers of perception!! They are like our long suffering boyfriends who deal with the bloody mess and have no ability to forget. So anyway vampires like periods. They don't give a fuck where the blood comes from! They like sex and periods and they aren't bothered by your trivial petty human misgivings!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
I would like to poke out the eyes of detractors with toothpicks
Lierre Keith is cooler than any of you.
Birdman
When you see a competitor you have to put both hands over your eyes in an eagle formation and thereby 'get' them. You can block such action by doing an OK sign over your right eye. If you 'get someone' they have to put the back of their head on the ground. Then that person is back in the game. You can leave the game, but you can never return. To play you need to get shook in by a current participant.
anarchists can't infiltrate hipsters
Hipsters want to be anarchists, but they lack the sophistication and intelligence. They aren't at the apex of social culture, they're a couple steps down, right near artists. Anarchists are at the top. They've always been at the top, even before there was anarchism. It's because we are funnier, more perceptive and understand social and political dynamics better.
They've always appropriated our fashion, our culture, our neighborhoods.* They are keenly aware that we exist, and they think we are awesome. You my sucker friend put on that white belt last year to try to become them, but they've noticed your friends sporting straggly beards and flannel. The hipster isn't at Union Pool in Wiliamsburg listening to you DJ what you think he likes. He's trying to buy drinks from Sam at the Tip Top in Bed Stuy.
You quit anarchism and relevancy late in 2009, but anarchism didn't quit being relevant.
What's a hipster now? Ray LaHood and his bike culture that we made popular? Does he dumpster now that we made that popular? You've thrown away what you are to try to get into him, but he's moved past you trying to get to where you would have been. Pseudo primitivist organic ad locally sourced meats at The Farm?
-- mobunited
To be a hipster is to be a poser in a constant state of cultural crisis. To be an anarchist is to be in control of your life.
Are you really just appropriating their fashion?
* We in turn appropriate those things from black people, which I would address more fully if this wasn't a vampire blog and an already annoyingly long post about something not relevant to vampirism, except perhaps that vampires would be unattracted to me while I wrote something so boring.
They've always appropriated our fashion, our culture, our neighborhoods.* They are keenly aware that we exist, and they think we are awesome. You my sucker friend put on that white belt last year to try to become them, but they've noticed your friends sporting straggly beards and flannel. The hipster isn't at Union Pool in Wiliamsburg listening to you DJ what you think he likes. He's trying to buy drinks from Sam at the Tip Top in Bed Stuy.
You quit anarchism and relevancy late in 2009, but anarchism didn't quit being relevant.
What's a hipster now? Ray LaHood and his bike culture that we made popular? Does he dumpster now that we made that popular? You've thrown away what you are to try to get into him, but he's moved past you trying to get to where you would have been. Pseudo primitivist organic ad locally sourced meats at The Farm?
"Hipsterism is the submission of culture to commodification, right down to its rebellious tendencies and internal customs. Hipsters don't live in squats. They sell each other "artisanal" things."
-- mobunited
To be a hipster is to be a poser in a constant state of cultural crisis. To be an anarchist is to be in control of your life.
Are you really just appropriating their fashion?
* We in turn appropriate those things from black people, which I would address more fully if this wasn't a vampire blog and an already annoyingly long post about something not relevant to vampirism, except perhaps that vampires would be unattracted to me while I wrote something so boring.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Do Vampires Swim?
The vampire is beloved because of his fleeting times of vulnerability. He might slaughter generations and villages, but he NEEDS PEOPLE TO SURVIVE. He kills, but he loves; that's what makes the vampire more alluring than say a zombie. Anyway duh, Vampires can't swim. You know how I know this? because I've read hundreds of thousands of pages (ok maybe 100) about vampires traveling by sea, eating rats in whatever the basement of a boat is called. Don't you think they would have swam that if they could have? It's so dumb that Twilight ignored this, but whatever. Half of Dracula is devoted to making provisions for Dracula's safe passage to England. The voyage demonstrates just how dependent Vampires are on us humans. The same thing with Interview with a Vampire. It's all about the voyage at sea. The oceanic trip is an important vampire trope. Traveling is frightening for Vampires because of the control that they necessarily have to give up. Control they have to give to us, their delegates. (Lawyers are very important to the life of a vampire. They make all things possible.)
Anyway all this to say that the vampires of Southern Louisiana are definitely feeling the opening of the Morganza Spillway.
The whole thing is just horrible. It sucks. Nobody needed this.
Anyway all this to say that the vampires of Southern Louisiana are definitely feeling the opening of the Morganza Spillway.
The whole thing is just horrible. It sucks. Nobody needed this.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
black jeans have been de rigeur for soooo long
A POOLHALL FULL OF FRATBOYS
me: i'm still an anarchist, you know.
old friend will: i've still got the tattoo...
Will, like most punks has been wearing skinny jeans for a long time. Prior to their availability and even the existence of American Apparel, punks found tightish jeans and resewed them to be skinny jeans. Then fashion designers, knowing that whatever punks, do hipsters follow, decided to make them available to the masses.
me: i'm still an anarchist, you know.
old friend will: i've still got the tattoo...
Will, like most punks has been wearing skinny jeans for a long time. Prior to their availability and even the existence of American Apparel, punks found tightish jeans and resewed them to be skinny jeans. Then fashion designers, knowing that whatever punks, do hipsters follow, decided to make them available to the masses.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Depraved ramblings
God I love this city so much. I want to roll around in its soot and grime until its dirt covers my hair and its polluted waters flow out of my mouth.
Friday, May 13, 2011
my posts are gone
they are so ephemeral, and yet important! I broke all that shit down for all my readers.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Titicut Follies
Sometimes we have these brown bag movie sessions during work hours, which is cool! Usually they are about something moderately depressing, and there was an uplifting one recently about changes made to the LA police department.
Frederick Wiseman's Titicut Follies made me want to throw up. I felt like I was trapped in middle school all over again. A naked prisoner was taunted incessantly about keeping his cell clean, and I felt my temperature rise and kept my hands clenched so that I didn't run up to the screen and punch the guard myself. That prisoner had some kind of self restraint.
Mostly the movie feels a lot like mentalhealthspoitation. It felt awkward to film and was awkward to watch. I looked away for entire segments. I HAD TO. Anyway here is like this actual review by somebody thoughtful, not just a vampire blogger:
By Gregory J. Howard
Frederick Wiseman's Titicut Follies made me want to throw up. I felt like I was trapped in middle school all over again. A naked prisoner was taunted incessantly about keeping his cell clean, and I felt my temperature rise and kept my hands clenched so that I didn't run up to the screen and punch the guard myself. That prisoner had some kind of self restraint.
Mostly the movie feels a lot like mentalhealthspoitation. It felt awkward to film and was awkward to watch. I looked away for entire segments. I HAD TO. Anyway here is like this actual review by somebody thoughtful, not just a vampire blogger:
By Gregory J. Howard
"Why do I need this help? You're ruining me!" So begins a dialogue between a bundle of nerves prisoner and a short, Germanic man, apparently of letters, who controls the prisoner's fate. Standing in the desolation of the institution's yard, the authority figure attempts to convince the prisoner that if he were "sent back to prison today, [he would] be back to Bridgeport today or tomorrow." As if to emphasize the point and to garnish it with an air of legitimacy, the authority figure, who would appear to be a psychiatrist, asserts, "If you don't believe me, you can spit in [my] face." Pressing the matter still further, the prisoner asks, "How do you know that I am a schizophrenic- paranoid?" to which the doctor retorts, "Because you had psychological testing."
And so goes the absurdity captured in the theatrical revue of a mental institution called "Titicut Follies." Examining the Massachusetts Correctional Institution at Bridgewater, an institution for the criminally insane, Frederick Wiseman chronicles the daily lives of the prisoners and staff in "cinema verite" style. Granted access to the institution for 29 days of filming, Wiseman captures images and interactions that are both macabre and revolting. Whether it be guards badgering a prisoner for voiding on the floor of his cell, a doctor telling a prisoner "to chew" his food as he is force fed through his nose with a tube, or an interaction between prisoner and doctor as described above, Titicut Follies is a powerful and disturbing examination of the world of a mental institution which, among other things, questions the traditional boundaries separating the deviant from the conformist.
More subtly, Wiseman also makes problematic the common assumption that mental institutions are founded on a bedrock of rationality and order. Of course, the medical model adopted by these institutions in the twentieth century makes an explicit commitment to the[End page 2] logic of the scientific method-- the driving force of positivism --, yet Wiseman deftly and ironically presents the institution as a place of chaos and absurdity, despite the regimentation and extraordinary control that it exudes. Careful and clever editing results in the presentation of disembodied images, taken out of context, which make the functioning of the institution seem incomprehensible. The lack of order conveyed in the film and the inability to distinguish readily between the guards and the guarded leads one to question whether the institution has any greater purpose than the systematic degradation of human beings-- both prisoners and guards.
Of course, painting the institution as a place mired in degradation and exploitation is ironic given Wiseman's own use of the prisoners and guards as his "subjects." In using these people as the vehicles for his polemical attack on mental institutions, Wiseman has been accused of doing to the prisoners what he condemns others for doing. In fact, it was this point which resulted in a series of court cases, dating from the 1967 release of the film, in which the Massachusetts Supreme Court declared the documentary obscene and exploitive, banning it from public viewing. Only after 24 years has this restriction been lifted, allowing the film to be aired on public television for the first time in early 1993. Nonetheless, while the legal entanglements have apparently dissipated, the moral quandary still remains, and it tugs hard at those who partake of this film.
Named after the annual talent show held at Bridgeport in which both prisoners and staff participate, Titicut Follies is a highly charged polemic that, by necessity, moves its viewers both intellectually and emotionally. The documentary would be a useful addition to classes which deal with punishment, deviance, treatment, ethics, and possibly even research design because it raises basic questions concerning the identification and control of individuals deemed deviant by the larger society, or at least the criminal justice and mental health systems. In addition, it forces viewers, albeit not intentionally, to consider the moral and ethical boundaries which pertain to the observation and study of human beings.
When does one cross the line from a reasoned and informative examination of the human condition to a systematic exploitation of individuals aimed at[End page 3] rattling one's own ideological saber? On what moral basis do we and should we determine who shall be the kept and who shall be the keeper? Are there readily identifiable characteristics which distinguish the two? These questions and more need to be explored, and this film provides a useful mechanism for making them more salient to undergraduates and professionals alike. Given its rich theoretical content and the power with which it speaks to the audience, this film is a fantastic pedagogical tool. Accordingly, it receives four gavels on the Journal of Criminal Justice and Popular Culture's esteemed rating scale and comes highly recommended.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Q: Who is not a vampire
A: Sleazy old law professor dudes, that's who.
Although vampires, like sleazy old law professor dudes, are known to literally suck the life out of their (sometimes) vivacious young victims, vampires do so in a totally hot manner. Vampires, unlike sleazy old law professor dudes, are attractive. They attract vivacious young victims because they are dangerous and forever young, not because they are rich and will die soon.
Although vampires, like sleazy old law professor dudes, are known to literally suck the life out of their (sometimes) vivacious young victims, vampires do so in a totally hot manner. Vampires, unlike sleazy old law professor dudes, are attractive. They attract vivacious young victims because they are dangerous and forever young, not because they are rich and will die soon.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Johnny Depp to be Barnabas Collins
In perhaps the MOST EXCITING news every broadcast anywhere which anyone who cares about this thing would have already known. The Dark Shadows: The Movie is going to be starring Johnny Depp! For example: this article is from November 5 of last year. Dark Shadows may seem like campy fun nowadays but it was terrifying and mysterious and I didn't notice all the bloopers when I was little. I just loved it. The same way I didn't think about how creepy it was that Johnny Depp was a NARK in 21 Jump Street.
Vampire Histories
So in this blog I write about vampires. For your edification. But here lorist Stefan Petrucha has penned his own ensanguined history , on the lovely Michele Hauf's Vamp Chix
He describes the evolution from soulless frightening seductive monster to trapped besouled Barnabas Collins to brooding Angel and mind-numbinglly doltish Cullens.
Rest in Peace Poly Styrene!
He describes the evolution from soulless frightening seductive monster to trapped besouled Barnabas Collins to brooding Angel and mind-numbinglly doltish Cullens.
Though variations appear in ancient Rome, China, and (dubiously), Native American mythos, the undead we know and love began in the Balkans (yep, Transylvania) as a plague metaphor, enjoying spates of popularity in Europe and colonial New England. Short version – someone dies from disease, returns by night, and infects the rest of their family until staked, decapitated, or both. They were dead, they wanted to kill you, they had to be destroyed — the ethical equivalent of Uncle-as-zombie, sans flesh-eating.
Rest in Peace Poly Styrene!
Monday, April 25, 2011
Vampire News Roundup
- Underneath those fangs evil vampire Damon Salvatore has a heart of gold! He likes things like those special lightbulbs and a vague amorphous animal rights. via Vampire News
- The final IDW Angel is coming out tomorrow! Get it here! Talk about it here! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT! For the record I prefer both Angel and Spike. I will mend your hearts!!!
- But wait there's more! Pam, most hilarious and evil of all of the gay Trueblood vampires is also an animal lover! She wants to stop animal testing on chimpanzees and release them from federal custody. I'm sure she feels the same way about imprisoned animal rights activists!
- Taking a picture of someone steals their soul. A picture is worth a thousand words. Therefore over time if you read enough about vampires, your soul will be gone and you will become a VAMPIRE.
Ayn rand is a VAMPIRE OF THE WORKING CLASS
Would that Alan Greenspan have discovered Dan Brown instead! That life could have been spent on a fantastical treasure hunt across oceans and time to find the truth of a female 'Paul' (or 'Peter' or whatever...), or Stephanie Meyer where he might have envisioned a world where the girls were suitably fragile and the evil was actually dashing, and the only black vampire's a bad vampire. Oh wait that's basically what happened.
The Awl is Jon Galt! You outshine the pack!
Ahem if Ii may:
I've read pulp fiction. Ayn Rand writes bad pulp fiction.
I've read romance novels. You might not want to believe me but there are good romance novels. Ayn rand writes bad romance novels.
I've read political treatises. Ayn Rand claims to write poltiical treatises. Ayn Rand actually writes romance novels. Snicker at whomever you see fit.
The Awl is Jon Galt! You outshine the pack!
Ahem if Ii may:
I've read pulp fiction. Ayn Rand writes bad pulp fiction.
I've read romance novels. You might not want to believe me but there are good romance novels. Ayn rand writes bad romance novels.
I've read political treatises. Ayn Rand claims to write poltiical treatises. Ayn Rand actually writes romance novels. Snicker at whomever you see fit.
one night in
nightmares-> double checking window locks -> sleeplessness
the slow reveal is torture louis. torture.
that's vampires for you. they just have more time than everyone else.
the slow reveal is torture louis. torture.
that's vampires for you. they just have more time than everyone else.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Bring us that old southern glamour.
Escaped enslaved people make good targets for sociopaths: the prostitutes of yesteryear. Maybe it's a metaphor and not a tacky racist troupe! The book is supposed to be frightening, but maybe not so much in an embarrassed to be reading for fear of a nosy subway neighbor catching me with the description of new orleans as a melting pot-polyglot-cultural gumbo (ok so they didn't say that part).
If I was a vampire I would definitely have a party pad in New Orleans.
If I was a vampire I would definitely have a party pad in New Orleans.
Inaugural Post
Look - its a dark background because Vampires are creatures of the NIGHT! Blood is like red wine. Red wine is like Blood. La didi da da da